Top Three Mistakes Parents Make when Dealing with Separation Anxiety
by: Elena Neitlich
Saying goodbye is one of the most difficult tasks that people learn in life. Learning to handle separation is an emotionally difficult task that begins in infancy. Too often, parents and caregivers mishandle the child’s transition between them, and the child is left feeling scared and abandoned. “Maybe mommy isn’t ever coming back.”
Failing to provide the necessary support that children need, to separate well, may have a negative effect on the child’s future relationships. The parent’s own feelings of anxiety and sadness, or on the opposite end of the spectrum, insensitivity to the child’s emotions, can have a profound effect on a child’s level of separation anxiety.
If separating is handled with sensitivity, children develop confidence and independence and feel secure when left in the hands of a loving and competent caregiver.
Mistake #1-Ignore the child’s fears-Many parents think that ignoring a child’s anxiety, anger, stress and fear makes separating easier. Mom or dad might believe that springing the separation on the child and sneaking out, like ripping off a band-aid, won’t give the child time to get worked up, tearful and upset. Other parents may not be sensitive to the fact that separating is a big deal, “Why is he so upset, I am just running out for an hour.” Don’t tell the child his or her feelings are insignificant.
Solution: Explain to the child calmly, clearly and briefly, what he or she should expect. Use the same ritual before each separation. For example: enter the room, hang the child’s coat, put the snack away, take out a loved toy, give a big hug and kiss, etc. Do not sneak out or use a distraction to duck out of the room. In new situations, parents should allot adequate time to hang around while the child becomes acclimated to his new surroundings. The parent should reassure the child that mommy/daddy is coming back soon and should expect the child to feel some distress. Separating is tough.
Mistake #2-Emphasize the fun and excitement of the activity-Disregarding that the child is feeling frightened, and instead focusing on how much fun she is going to have, does not ease separation fears. The child may be confused and not understand why she is being left and wondering if mommy or daddy will ever return. While upset the child is not able to focus on the fun things in store for her while mom is away.
Solution: Short absences initially (30-90 minutes) are easier for children. Ensure that the child understands what is happening by using the same description of the situation before each separation. “Mommy is going to have her teeth cleaned, remember we passed the dentist’s office on the drive over here? I will be back shortly to pick you up and then we will go to the park and have our lunch. I know that you feel a little afraid because this is a new place to play and I am leaving. Miss Melanie is really kind and happy to play with you, I like her very much. I love you and I am coming back to pick you up as soon as my teeth are shiny.” Explaining what to expect gives the child a sense of control.
Mistake #3-Neglecting to give the reunion its proper consideration-“Grab your coat, let’s get in the car, we are late!”…is not a proper hello after being separated from a child. Having a conversation with the caregiver before acknowledging the child, is also a mistake.
Solution: Handling the reunion between parent and child with sensitivity is just as important as the goodbye. The child is relieved that the parent has returned as promised. Develop a warm and loving routine used for returns. Positive relationship development relies on reuniting with joy and happiness. Using a special routine honors the loving bond between parent and child.
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Monday, 2 June 2008
- Special Education: 6 Parenting Tips to Help You Assertively Participate in Your Child's IEP
Special Education: 6 Parenting Tips to Help You Assertively Participate in Your Child's IEP
by: JoAnn Collins
Are you the parent of a child with a disability in special education, who would like parenting tips on how to be an equal participant in your child’s Individual Education Plan (IEP) development? Are you afraid to give your opinion because you are not a professional? Then this article is for you; learn six easy to use tips that will help you assertively participate in the process for the good of your child.
Tip 1: Ask a lot of questions. The process can be overwhelming; The IEP meeting usually has 5-10 disability educators plus the parents. Ask questions whenever you need to, so that you can understand what is being said by school personnel.
Tip 2: Ask the disability educator to slow down, and explain something that you do not understand. Sometimes school personnel speak very fast, and do not stop to explain what they are talking about. This is especially true, when they are giving parents results of a psychological evaluation. You should ask them to show you the results of the tests and explain what the scores mean.
Tip 3: Bring a written list of items that you would like to discuss at the meeting; it can be hand written or typed. Check off each item as it is discussed. Leave space at the bottom of the list to handwrite any new issues that come up at the meeting.
Tip 4: Consider bringing a parent input statement to your child’s IEP meeting. A parent input statement is a one page document that states what you believe your child’s needs are, and what special education services your child needs. It should be typed, if possible, and ask that it be attached to your child’s IEP.
Tip 5: Use the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) to support your position. Peter and Pam Wright have written several books including Special Education Law; second addition. This book is easy to read, and use as a reference at any school meetings.The book can be purchased at http://www.wrightslaw.com.
Tip 6: Read the IEP document before you leave the meeting. What was said at the meeting is not important, what is important is what is written in the document. Make sure that any important discussions about your child are included in the meeting notes, and that all educational services promised are listed.
With these 6 tips, you are well on your way to learning to assertively participate in your child’s IEP meeting. You know your child better than school personnel, so you have a lot of valuable information to share with the team. Good luck in your advocacy journey!
by: JoAnn Collins
Are you the parent of a child with a disability in special education, who would like parenting tips on how to be an equal participant in your child’s Individual Education Plan (IEP) development? Are you afraid to give your opinion because you are not a professional? Then this article is for you; learn six easy to use tips that will help you assertively participate in the process for the good of your child.
Tip 1: Ask a lot of questions. The process can be overwhelming; The IEP meeting usually has 5-10 disability educators plus the parents. Ask questions whenever you need to, so that you can understand what is being said by school personnel.
Tip 2: Ask the disability educator to slow down, and explain something that you do not understand. Sometimes school personnel speak very fast, and do not stop to explain what they are talking about. This is especially true, when they are giving parents results of a psychological evaluation. You should ask them to show you the results of the tests and explain what the scores mean.
Tip 3: Bring a written list of items that you would like to discuss at the meeting; it can be hand written or typed. Check off each item as it is discussed. Leave space at the bottom of the list to handwrite any new issues that come up at the meeting.
Tip 4: Consider bringing a parent input statement to your child’s IEP meeting. A parent input statement is a one page document that states what you believe your child’s needs are, and what special education services your child needs. It should be typed, if possible, and ask that it be attached to your child’s IEP.
Tip 5: Use the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) to support your position. Peter and Pam Wright have written several books including Special Education Law; second addition. This book is easy to read, and use as a reference at any school meetings.The book can be purchased at http://www.wrightslaw.com.
Tip 6: Read the IEP document before you leave the meeting. What was said at the meeting is not important, what is important is what is written in the document. Make sure that any important discussions about your child are included in the meeting notes, and that all educational services promised are listed.
With these 6 tips, you are well on your way to learning to assertively participate in your child’s IEP meeting. You know your child better than school personnel, so you have a lot of valuable information to share with the team. Good luck in your advocacy journey!
- How to Determine Your Child’s Eligibility for Special Education
How to Determine Your Child’s Eligibility for Special Education
by: JoAnn Collins
Are you the parent of a young child that is concerned that your child may have a disability? Have you been told by disability educators that your child does not qualify for special education services? Would you like to know what the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) law states about a child’s eligibility for special education? This article will discuss the criteria that school personnel must use, by law to determine a child’s eligibility.
In order for a child to be found eligible for special education services they must meet two criteria, according to the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act;
1. The child must have a disability, and
2. The child must have educational needs.
In order for special education personnel to determine if a child is eligible, they must conduct a psychological evaluation called a Case Study Evaluation on the child. Below is a list of important things parents must know about the CSE:
a. The parent must give written consent for this to be done.
b. Special education personnel have sixty days from when the parental consent is signed, to finish evaluation.
c. IDEA requires that more than one assessment tool be used; to gather all of the academic, developmental, functional, information needed to determine if the child has a disability.
d. Special education personnel must also assess the child in all areas of suspected disability.
e. They must use assessment tools that provide important information that assists them in determining the child’s educational needs.
f. If your child has behavioral issues that affect his or her education, ask for testing in this area. For Example: A behavioral checklist, an adaptive behavior scale, possible an autism rating scale, etc.
After the Case Study Evaluation is complete an eligibility meeting is held between the special education personnel and the parents. The meeting is to go over the test results, and to determine the child’s eligibility for special education services. The parent is to be an equal part of the team that determines if a child has a disability, and if they have educational needs. Parents may bring information on their child to help the team make the decision. In case of behavioral difficulty, specific things must be done to include, developement of a positive behavioral plan.
If a child has a disability and educational needs, and does not receive special education services, their lives may be negatively affected. By knowing what criteria special education personnel are required to use by law, you can become an effective advocate for your child.
by: JoAnn Collins
Are you the parent of a young child that is concerned that your child may have a disability? Have you been told by disability educators that your child does not qualify for special education services? Would you like to know what the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) law states about a child’s eligibility for special education? This article will discuss the criteria that school personnel must use, by law to determine a child’s eligibility.
In order for a child to be found eligible for special education services they must meet two criteria, according to the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act;
1. The child must have a disability, and
2. The child must have educational needs.
In order for special education personnel to determine if a child is eligible, they must conduct a psychological evaluation called a Case Study Evaluation on the child. Below is a list of important things parents must know about the CSE:
a. The parent must give written consent for this to be done.
b. Special education personnel have sixty days from when the parental consent is signed, to finish evaluation.
c. IDEA requires that more than one assessment tool be used; to gather all of the academic, developmental, functional, information needed to determine if the child has a disability.
d. Special education personnel must also assess the child in all areas of suspected disability.
e. They must use assessment tools that provide important information that assists them in determining the child’s educational needs.
f. If your child has behavioral issues that affect his or her education, ask for testing in this area. For Example: A behavioral checklist, an adaptive behavior scale, possible an autism rating scale, etc.
After the Case Study Evaluation is complete an eligibility meeting is held between the special education personnel and the parents. The meeting is to go over the test results, and to determine the child’s eligibility for special education services. The parent is to be an equal part of the team that determines if a child has a disability, and if they have educational needs. Parents may bring information on their child to help the team make the decision. In case of behavioral difficulty, specific things must be done to include, developement of a positive behavioral plan.
If a child has a disability and educational needs, and does not receive special education services, their lives may be negatively affected. By knowing what criteria special education personnel are required to use by law, you can become an effective advocate for your child.
- Special Education Letter Writing; 7 Items Parents of a Child With a Disability Must Include In Letters
Special Education Letter Writing; 7 Items Parents of a Child With a Disability Must Include In Letters
by: JoAnn Collins
Are you a parent of a child with a disability who would like to write letters to special education personnel, but do not know what to include? Would a short list of things to include be helpful? This article will address 7 specific items that should be included in letters to special education personnel, to make them effective. Letters should be one page if possible, and contain these things:
Item 1: You should include your name in the letter as well as the name of your child with a disability. If the special education person is an administrator, they may not know you or your child.That’s why it is important to include both in the letter.
Item 2: You should include your child’s birth date, if you are writing to special education personnel who do not know your child. Special education personnel often use a child’s birth date, for identification purposes.
Item 3: You should include the date when you are writing the letter; the date should include month, day and year. Letters sent to special education personnel become part of your child’s school record. By dating the letters, anyone looking at the record can tell when it was written. The date the letter was sent may be important in the future if a dispute occurs between you and special education personnel.
Item 4: You should very clearly state the purpose of the letter. For Example: I am writing you today to tell you of my concerns for my child, Mary, whom I believe may have a learning disability, in the area of reading. I am asking that she be tested using a standardized reading test such as the Woodcock Reading Mastery Test. When the test results are finished, we can discuss them at an IEP meeting."
Item 5: You should include the person’s name that you are sending the letter to, their title, and school address.
Item 6: The letter should contain a hand signature at the bottom of the page, by the parent writing the letter. If the letter is used in the future, it holds more weight if it is signed.
Item 7: The letter should include any written documentation or reports that help your case. For Example: I am including a letter from the Occupational Therapist, about the behavioral difficulties my daughter has been having during therapy time. After the signature put the word attachments in the left hand margin, and list the name of all attachments.Be sure to include the attachments with the letter.
By including, these important items in your letters to school personnel, you are ensuring that yourletter is easy to read and to understand. Documentation is critical in case of a dispute between you and special education personnel, in the future. Happy Writing!!
by: JoAnn Collins
Are you a parent of a child with a disability who would like to write letters to special education personnel, but do not know what to include? Would a short list of things to include be helpful? This article will address 7 specific items that should be included in letters to special education personnel, to make them effective. Letters should be one page if possible, and contain these things:
Item 1: You should include your name in the letter as well as the name of your child with a disability. If the special education person is an administrator, they may not know you or your child.That’s why it is important to include both in the letter.
Item 2: You should include your child’s birth date, if you are writing to special education personnel who do not know your child. Special education personnel often use a child’s birth date, for identification purposes.
Item 3: You should include the date when you are writing the letter; the date should include month, day and year. Letters sent to special education personnel become part of your child’s school record. By dating the letters, anyone looking at the record can tell when it was written. The date the letter was sent may be important in the future if a dispute occurs between you and special education personnel.
Item 4: You should very clearly state the purpose of the letter. For Example: I am writing you today to tell you of my concerns for my child, Mary, whom I believe may have a learning disability, in the area of reading. I am asking that she be tested using a standardized reading test such as the Woodcock Reading Mastery Test. When the test results are finished, we can discuss them at an IEP meeting."
Item 5: You should include the person’s name that you are sending the letter to, their title, and school address.
Item 6: The letter should contain a hand signature at the bottom of the page, by the parent writing the letter. If the letter is used in the future, it holds more weight if it is signed.
Item 7: The letter should include any written documentation or reports that help your case. For Example: I am including a letter from the Occupational Therapist, about the behavioral difficulties my daughter has been having during therapy time. After the signature put the word attachments in the left hand margin, and list the name of all attachments.Be sure to include the attachments with the letter.
By including, these important items in your letters to school personnel, you are ensuring that yourletter is easy to read and to understand. Documentation is critical in case of a dispute between you and special education personnel, in the future. Happy Writing!!
- Gender Selection - Frogs & Snails or Sugar & Spice?
Gender Selection - Frogs & Snails or Sugar & Spice?
by: Julie Gardner
Will gender selection be the new isle in the supermarket, geared towards people who need to have a baby of certain sex?
In today's society, where we have a choice in everything major in our lives, from where we are going to give birth to our babies, to pre planning our own funeral. Is it right that we can determine the sex of a baby before it's even conceived?
Apparently so... Gone are the days when a fourth little girl would cause disappointment to the father. Gone are the days of fingers crossed and hope for a boy.
It's all out there for us if we care to look. Gender selection products and methods are easily available, so we can have a baby to fit into our preplanned lifestyles.
Baby sex selection methods can range from the 'very expensive' to 'the very cheap'. Microsort & PGD weigh in at the top end of the scale, and have approximately 80% chance of giving you what you want. But could you imagine paying thousands of pounds for a bouncing baby boy, and being in the 20% that end up with a little girl.
That's right, around twenty percent of people will spend lots of their hard earned money, and still not get what they wanted!
So onto those cheaper gender selection methods, and even a couple of free tips!
Whether you are purely desperate enough to try anything, or just trying it for the fun of the whole experience - with a little bit of "how great would it be if it really worked!" Here a few theories (based on the Shettles method) to think about.
* Alter your diet. This is supposed to work by altering the PH balance in your body, making cervical mucus more hospitable to either male or female sperm (whichever is your choice)
* Douching, making either alkaline or acidic douches to alter your cervical mucus, again favouring either the male or the female sperm.
* Timing of sex (no not with a stopwatch!) But the timing of when you have sex. A few days before ovulation will favour a girl. A few hours before ovulation to a few hours after, a boy.
* Sexual positions, the theory that certain positions can control the depth of penetration and exactly where the sperm is deposited. Because male sperm are more aggressive and swim faster than female sperm, which are more alike to ' Slow and steady wins the race'. It can make a difference to the gender outcome, with how close those sperm end up to the cervix.
* And for the Dad to be, a nice cup of coffee before intercourse will give those male sperm an adrenalin fix!
And the free tips? - For a girl
Remember these are just for fun
* Make love on even numbered days.
* Make love when it's a full moon * Initiate the lovemaking (dominant women are more likely to have a baby girl)
For a boy
* Make love on the odd numbered days.
* Let the man climax first (Is there an option!)
* Let the man initiate the lovemaking and you are more likely to conceive a boy.
by: Julie Gardner
Will gender selection be the new isle in the supermarket, geared towards people who need to have a baby of certain sex?
In today's society, where we have a choice in everything major in our lives, from where we are going to give birth to our babies, to pre planning our own funeral. Is it right that we can determine the sex of a baby before it's even conceived?
Apparently so... Gone are the days when a fourth little girl would cause disappointment to the father. Gone are the days of fingers crossed and hope for a boy.
It's all out there for us if we care to look. Gender selection products and methods are easily available, so we can have a baby to fit into our preplanned lifestyles.
Baby sex selection methods can range from the 'very expensive' to 'the very cheap'. Microsort & PGD weigh in at the top end of the scale, and have approximately 80% chance of giving you what you want. But could you imagine paying thousands of pounds for a bouncing baby boy, and being in the 20% that end up with a little girl.
That's right, around twenty percent of people will spend lots of their hard earned money, and still not get what they wanted!
So onto those cheaper gender selection methods, and even a couple of free tips!
Whether you are purely desperate enough to try anything, or just trying it for the fun of the whole experience - with a little bit of "how great would it be if it really worked!" Here a few theories (based on the Shettles method) to think about.
* Alter your diet. This is supposed to work by altering the PH balance in your body, making cervical mucus more hospitable to either male or female sperm (whichever is your choice)
* Douching, making either alkaline or acidic douches to alter your cervical mucus, again favouring either the male or the female sperm.
* Timing of sex (no not with a stopwatch!) But the timing of when you have sex. A few days before ovulation will favour a girl. A few hours before ovulation to a few hours after, a boy.
* Sexual positions, the theory that certain positions can control the depth of penetration and exactly where the sperm is deposited. Because male sperm are more aggressive and swim faster than female sperm, which are more alike to ' Slow and steady wins the race'. It can make a difference to the gender outcome, with how close those sperm end up to the cervix.
* And for the Dad to be, a nice cup of coffee before intercourse will give those male sperm an adrenalin fix!
And the free tips? - For a girl
Remember these are just for fun
* Make love on even numbered days.
* Make love when it's a full moon * Initiate the lovemaking (dominant women are more likely to have a baby girl)
For a boy
* Make love on the odd numbered days.
* Let the man climax first (Is there an option!)
* Let the man initiate the lovemaking and you are more likely to conceive a boy.
- Baby Gender Selection - How To Get The Child Of Your Dreams!
Baby Gender Selection - How To Get The Child Of Your Dreams!
by: Julie Gardner
Wouldn't it be great if gender selection was a 'little button' somewhere on your body, that you could press to choose the sex of your baby!
Press once for a boy, twice for girl.
If only life where that simple.
People from all corners of the world are desperate for a baby of a certain sex, and for numerous different reasons. A boy to carry on the family name, a girl to be Daddy's little angel. Baby sex selection would be a dream come true for a lot of people
I have a few friends who have 3 or 4 children all of the same sex. When asked if they are having any more, the answer is always "If someone could guarantee me a boy, I would. I just so want to give my husband a little boy to play football with" or "If there was a way I could definitely get a little girl, I would be all for it, but with 3 boys... I just wouldn't take the risk of another!"
I am one of lucky ones, I have a boy and a girl, one of each, most people tell me how blessed I am. And I do feel blessed, not to mention guilty sometimes when I see my friend walking in the street with her 3 little girls.
Years ago people just popped babies out and didn't really mind if they were boys or girls. IF they really wanted one or the other, they would just keep having babies until they got what they wanted.
These days things are very different. The average family with it's 2.4 children, just can't afford to keep adding more kids to the itinerary until they get exactly what they want.
So in today's society there must be things that you can do, after all it's a world of freedom and choice.
Well there are things that you can do, but they don't come cheap! It all depends on what lengths you are willing to go to, to add that much wanted child of a certain gender to your family.
Gender Selection - The Expensive Method!
Now if you have a couple of thousand pounds lying handy (which I'm sure not many of us have these days!) There's a procedure called 'Microsort' This gender selection method sorts out the sperm, male and female. Now that sounds fairly easy, the next bit is the hard bit.
You will then have to undergo IVF (inVitro fertilization) or IUI (intrauterine insemination) With IVF your eggs will be harvested and mixed with either male or female sperm. If the sperm goes on to fertilize the egg, you will then have the sex selection embryo implanted into your uterus.
With IUI the sperm will be deposited into your uterus by artificial ways. This is a lot less invasive for the woman, and can also work out cheaper.
The problem with the above procedures is that neither one can guarantee you a baby! On the other hand, if you do get pregnant from these gender selection procedures, the chance of you having the gender of your choice is a lot more promising. At around 90% success rate with a girl, and 80% success rates for boys, you would be well on your way to the baby of your dreams.
As baby sex selection becomes more widely available, will planning to have a baby also include planning its gender too?
by: Julie Gardner
Wouldn't it be great if gender selection was a 'little button' somewhere on your body, that you could press to choose the sex of your baby!
Press once for a boy, twice for girl.
If only life where that simple.
People from all corners of the world are desperate for a baby of a certain sex, and for numerous different reasons. A boy to carry on the family name, a girl to be Daddy's little angel. Baby sex selection would be a dream come true for a lot of people
I have a few friends who have 3 or 4 children all of the same sex. When asked if they are having any more, the answer is always "If someone could guarantee me a boy, I would. I just so want to give my husband a little boy to play football with" or "If there was a way I could definitely get a little girl, I would be all for it, but with 3 boys... I just wouldn't take the risk of another!"
I am one of lucky ones, I have a boy and a girl, one of each, most people tell me how blessed I am. And I do feel blessed, not to mention guilty sometimes when I see my friend walking in the street with her 3 little girls.
Years ago people just popped babies out and didn't really mind if they were boys or girls. IF they really wanted one or the other, they would just keep having babies until they got what they wanted.
These days things are very different. The average family with it's 2.4 children, just can't afford to keep adding more kids to the itinerary until they get exactly what they want.
So in today's society there must be things that you can do, after all it's a world of freedom and choice.
Well there are things that you can do, but they don't come cheap! It all depends on what lengths you are willing to go to, to add that much wanted child of a certain gender to your family.
Gender Selection - The Expensive Method!
Now if you have a couple of thousand pounds lying handy (which I'm sure not many of us have these days!) There's a procedure called 'Microsort' This gender selection method sorts out the sperm, male and female. Now that sounds fairly easy, the next bit is the hard bit.
You will then have to undergo IVF (inVitro fertilization) or IUI (intrauterine insemination) With IVF your eggs will be harvested and mixed with either male or female sperm. If the sperm goes on to fertilize the egg, you will then have the sex selection embryo implanted into your uterus.
With IUI the sperm will be deposited into your uterus by artificial ways. This is a lot less invasive for the woman, and can also work out cheaper.
The problem with the above procedures is that neither one can guarantee you a baby! On the other hand, if you do get pregnant from these gender selection procedures, the chance of you having the gender of your choice is a lot more promising. At around 90% success rate with a girl, and 80% success rates for boys, you would be well on your way to the baby of your dreams.
As baby sex selection becomes more widely available, will planning to have a baby also include planning its gender too?
- DATING VIOLENCE: Tips for Parents-Teens, Part 1
DATING VIOLENCE: Tips for Parents-Teens, Part 1
by: Linda "Eagle" Culbreth
Is your teen one in three who will become a victim of dating violence?
Here are Ten Tips for Parents to talk with their teen about - you can empower your teen and here are some of the tools to help you.
Before I give you the first ten tips, there are some things you and your teen need to remember:
* You have the right to a healthy relationship.
* You deserve better. Do not put up with abuse.
* You are not alone. Teens from all backgrounds are in, have been in, or know someone in an abusive relationship.
* you have done nothing wrong. It is not your fault that your partner abuses you.
* The longer you stay in an abusive relationship, the more intense the violence will become. It does not get better over time.
* Being drunk or high is not an excuse for abuse.
* No one is justified in attacking you just because he or she is angry.
TIPS ON DATING VIOLENCE:
1. Abuse in a dating relationship can be confusing and frightening at any age. But for teenagers, who are just beginning to date and develop romantic relationships, this abuse is especially difficult.
2. Surveys show dating violence is not uncommon among teens. When the abuse is physical or sexual, it can be easy to identify. Emotional abuse is much harder to recognize, but no less damaging.
3. Dating violence can be tough to talk about honestly. It can be uncomfortable to bring up and embarrassing to acknowledge. But with dating violence a fact of life for many teen couples, we've got to break the silence.
4. Sometimes it's easier to explore thoughts and feelings using this kind of example than it is to talk about our own experiences.
A Typical Dating Violence Sceniro
Brenda is 15 and has never had a boyfriend before. She recently started dating Frank. She thinks he is so cute. Her friends all tell her how lucky she is because she has a boyfriend. At first, Brenda thought it was sweet that Frank began calling her all the time. He always wants to know whom she is with, where she is, and when she'll be home. He has told her that she was meant to be with him and him only, forever.
Recently, Frank has started belittling her in front of his friends, insulting her, and telling her she is fat. He doesn't want her to spend time with certain of her friends - he thinks they are a bad influence. He threatens to break up with her if she won't do what he says, and that no one else will ever want her. Brenda wants to make Frank happy. In fact, she'll do anything to keep her boyfriend. She things this is what being in a relationship is all about.
5. Relationship violence often starts as emotional or verbal abuse and can quickly escalate into physical or sexual violence. And although many teens know of at least one student who has been a victim of relationship violvence, most parents either don't know it exists or don't know it is an issue.
6. Relationship Violence is a pattern of behavior used by someone to maintain control over his or her partner.
7. Relationship violence can take the form of verbal, physcial, emotional, or even sexual abuse.
8. Relationship Violence is not about getting angry or having a disagreement.
9. In an abusive relationship one partner is afraid of and intimidated by the other.
10. How often does it happen?
24% of severe injuries and deaths occuse when the victim is tryng to leave or has already left the relationship.
Relationhsip violence is the number one cause of injury to women between the ages of 15-44.
63% of date rape victims are young women between the ages of 14 and 17.
70% of pregnant teenagers are abused by their partners.
Parents who have found these tips helpful often sign up for the newsletter and order the parent-teen home study course: Date A Hero, Not A Zero at http://www.eaglesport.biz
Be Safe & Empower Your Teen to Be Safe!
Linda "Eagle" Culbreth
by: Linda "Eagle" Culbreth
Is your teen one in three who will become a victim of dating violence?
Here are Ten Tips for Parents to talk with their teen about - you can empower your teen and here are some of the tools to help you.
Before I give you the first ten tips, there are some things you and your teen need to remember:
* You have the right to a healthy relationship.
* You deserve better. Do not put up with abuse.
* You are not alone. Teens from all backgrounds are in, have been in, or know someone in an abusive relationship.
* you have done nothing wrong. It is not your fault that your partner abuses you.
* The longer you stay in an abusive relationship, the more intense the violence will become. It does not get better over time.
* Being drunk or high is not an excuse for abuse.
* No one is justified in attacking you just because he or she is angry.
TIPS ON DATING VIOLENCE:
1. Abuse in a dating relationship can be confusing and frightening at any age. But for teenagers, who are just beginning to date and develop romantic relationships, this abuse is especially difficult.
2. Surveys show dating violence is not uncommon among teens. When the abuse is physical or sexual, it can be easy to identify. Emotional abuse is much harder to recognize, but no less damaging.
3. Dating violence can be tough to talk about honestly. It can be uncomfortable to bring up and embarrassing to acknowledge. But with dating violence a fact of life for many teen couples, we've got to break the silence.
4. Sometimes it's easier to explore thoughts and feelings using this kind of example than it is to talk about our own experiences.
A Typical Dating Violence Sceniro
Brenda is 15 and has never had a boyfriend before. She recently started dating Frank. She thinks he is so cute. Her friends all tell her how lucky she is because she has a boyfriend. At first, Brenda thought it was sweet that Frank began calling her all the time. He always wants to know whom she is with, where she is, and when she'll be home. He has told her that she was meant to be with him and him only, forever.
Recently, Frank has started belittling her in front of his friends, insulting her, and telling her she is fat. He doesn't want her to spend time with certain of her friends - he thinks they are a bad influence. He threatens to break up with her if she won't do what he says, and that no one else will ever want her. Brenda wants to make Frank happy. In fact, she'll do anything to keep her boyfriend. She things this is what being in a relationship is all about.
5. Relationship violence often starts as emotional or verbal abuse and can quickly escalate into physical or sexual violence. And although many teens know of at least one student who has been a victim of relationship violvence, most parents either don't know it exists or don't know it is an issue.
6. Relationship Violence is a pattern of behavior used by someone to maintain control over his or her partner.
7. Relationship violence can take the form of verbal, physcial, emotional, or even sexual abuse.
8. Relationship Violence is not about getting angry or having a disagreement.
9. In an abusive relationship one partner is afraid of and intimidated by the other.
10. How often does it happen?
24% of severe injuries and deaths occuse when the victim is tryng to leave or has already left the relationship.
Relationhsip violence is the number one cause of injury to women between the ages of 15-44.
63% of date rape victims are young women between the ages of 14 and 17.
70% of pregnant teenagers are abused by their partners.
Parents who have found these tips helpful often sign up for the newsletter and order the parent-teen home study course: Date A Hero, Not A Zero at http://www.eaglesport.biz
Be Safe & Empower Your Teen to Be Safe!
Linda "Eagle" Culbreth
- The Five Senses Of Bonding With Your Baby
The Five Senses Of Bonding With Your Baby
by: Lynn Powers
I didn’t fully comprehend the need - or the satisfaction that came with it - to bond with my child until he was born and I held him for the very first time. But although the bonding began that day in the delivery room, it didn’t end there.
The parent-baby bonding process takes time. But that process will probably be one of the most rewarding times your life. The moments when your baby stops crying when he sees you walk around the corner, smiles at you for the first time, and falls asleep contentedly on your shoulder are priceless. They are all indications that your baby feels safe and loved in your presence.
They are all signs that you have bonded.
In those precious first weeks of life, your baby responds to you using all five of her senses. Here are some ways to engage her in each one and ensure the emotional attachment you create with your child is healthy –and rewarding – for you both.
1. SOUND – Your baby has been hearing you speak for months before he was born. Chances are he already recognizes the sound and tone of your voice. By speaking gently to your baby or singing lullaby’s to him, even when you are out of his range of sight, you are letting him know you are there. He trusts your voice and every time he hears you, it bonds you to him. And it won’t be long before he talks back.
2. TOUCH – There is little that soothes a baby more than when you pick her up and hold her close. The security she feels increases each time you respond when she cries, rock her to sleep, or let her curl her hand around your finger. Also, research indicates there are many benefits to nurturing your baby with infant massage. This can also be a wonderful time of bonding with your baby. Check into local classes or conduct online research regarding the techniques of infant massage.
3. SIGHT – Is there anything that can compare with the moment when your baby locks his eyes with yours and breaks into a smile? Focusing your gaze on your child sends the message that he has your full attention which is essential for creating a bond with your child. He needs to know he is the center of your world and maintaining eye contact tells him that he is, indeed.
4. TASTE – Of course, breastfeeding is the way your baby will bond through taste. Your milk has a distinct taste that she immediately becomes accustomed to because that taste also is her primary source of nutrition. But even if you don’t breastfeed your baby, the formula you use will become the tasting bond for you and your child. While it’s true that anyone is able to feed a non-breastfed baby, when combined with the other four senses, your child will feel especially secure when you’re the one holding the bottle.
5. SMELL – We all have a unique scent to our bodies and it doesn’t take long for your baby to know yours. It is especially important not to wear perfumes around your baby that might turn him off to you or cause you to be more unrecognizable to him. Clean and fresh is better and promotes a more familiar - and gentler - atmosphere for your baby.
The opportunity to bond with your newborn lasts only for a time and then is gone, forever. Whatever you do, make the most of each moment and savor the special time you have together.
by: Lynn Powers
I didn’t fully comprehend the need - or the satisfaction that came with it - to bond with my child until he was born and I held him for the very first time. But although the bonding began that day in the delivery room, it didn’t end there.
The parent-baby bonding process takes time. But that process will probably be one of the most rewarding times your life. The moments when your baby stops crying when he sees you walk around the corner, smiles at you for the first time, and falls asleep contentedly on your shoulder are priceless. They are all indications that your baby feels safe and loved in your presence.
They are all signs that you have bonded.
In those precious first weeks of life, your baby responds to you using all five of her senses. Here are some ways to engage her in each one and ensure the emotional attachment you create with your child is healthy –and rewarding – for you both.
1. SOUND – Your baby has been hearing you speak for months before he was born. Chances are he already recognizes the sound and tone of your voice. By speaking gently to your baby or singing lullaby’s to him, even when you are out of his range of sight, you are letting him know you are there. He trusts your voice and every time he hears you, it bonds you to him. And it won’t be long before he talks back.
2. TOUCH – There is little that soothes a baby more than when you pick her up and hold her close. The security she feels increases each time you respond when she cries, rock her to sleep, or let her curl her hand around your finger. Also, research indicates there are many benefits to nurturing your baby with infant massage. This can also be a wonderful time of bonding with your baby. Check into local classes or conduct online research regarding the techniques of infant massage.
3. SIGHT – Is there anything that can compare with the moment when your baby locks his eyes with yours and breaks into a smile? Focusing your gaze on your child sends the message that he has your full attention which is essential for creating a bond with your child. He needs to know he is the center of your world and maintaining eye contact tells him that he is, indeed.
4. TASTE – Of course, breastfeeding is the way your baby will bond through taste. Your milk has a distinct taste that she immediately becomes accustomed to because that taste also is her primary source of nutrition. But even if you don’t breastfeed your baby, the formula you use will become the tasting bond for you and your child. While it’s true that anyone is able to feed a non-breastfed baby, when combined with the other four senses, your child will feel especially secure when you’re the one holding the bottle.
5. SMELL – We all have a unique scent to our bodies and it doesn’t take long for your baby to know yours. It is especially important not to wear perfumes around your baby that might turn him off to you or cause you to be more unrecognizable to him. Clean and fresh is better and promotes a more familiar - and gentler - atmosphere for your baby.
The opportunity to bond with your newborn lasts only for a time and then is gone, forever. Whatever you do, make the most of each moment and savor the special time you have together.
- Do You Have An Incredible Kid?
Do You Have An Incredible Kid?
by: Lynn Powers
What parent doesn’t think his or her children are absolutely incredible? I know I do! The Bible tells us in Psalm 37:26 that children are a blessing. And now there is a day to celebrate our kids!
The third Thursday in March is set aside for Absolutely Incredible Kid Day. Campfire USA created this special day to show kids that they are loved and cared for. If you’re a parent, they encourage you to write a letter to your kids today. If you don’t have children of your own, any incredible kid will do!
So a letter is a great idea. But what are some other things you can do to show your child that he or she is exceptionally special?
• Tell him! Don’t like to write? Then just say it! To a child, nothing can quite compare to hearing Mom or Dad say he’s wonderful. Watch your kid’s face light up and heart swell when you brag on him and tell him what an awesome kid he is.
• Advertise. Call your local newspaper and run a classified ad, “just because.” Tell thousands of readers just why your child is the most incredible kid in the world. Be sure to cut out the ad, laminate and enlarge it. Wrap it up along with a copy of that day’s paper. Place it on her mirror or frame it and place it in front of her plate at dinner.
• Send an E-Card. If your child spends a lot of time on the computer and has his own e-mail address, send him one or more e-cards, telling him how much he means to you. There are plenty of sites offering free e-cards, including http://www.123greetings.com and http://www.free-e-cards-online.com which offer several cards to choose from. You’re sure to find one with the message you want to deliver.
• Turn on the Radio. Does she have a favorite radio station? How about calling to request a dedication of a particular song she loves? Or choose a song yourself that speaks of a parent’s love for their child (Butterfly Kisses by Bob Carlisle, Cinderella by Steven Curtis Chapman and You are the Sunshine of my Life by Stevie Wonder are just a few that come to mind.) Just be sure you’ll be in a place where you can turn the radio on so she’ll hear your dedication.
• Do his chores. If it’s your son’s job to set the table or take out the trash on Thursdays, do it for him. The fact that not only does he get a day off from his chores but that you’re doing the work for him speaks volumes of love and appreciation to your child.
• What’s for Dinner? Whether hot dogs, pizza, macaroni and cheese or a trip to McDonalds, let your kid choose what to eat for dinner. Throw in a yummy ice cream sundae for dessert. They’ll not only have incredibly full tummies, but also incredibly full hearts.
• Open the Bible. Refer to various Bible stories that tell about God using kids to accomplish His purpose. (David, Samuel, the boy with the five loaves of bread and two fish…). Remind your child that God wonderfully and beautifully created her and that He has an incredible plan for her life.
Of course, kids should be told they are special every day – not just one day of the year. However, use this day to begin the habit of demonstrating just how important your child is. To you, to the world, and to God.
If only every child could fully grasp just how magnificent they truly are.
Now that would be incredible!
by: Lynn Powers
What parent doesn’t think his or her children are absolutely incredible? I know I do! The Bible tells us in Psalm 37:26 that children are a blessing. And now there is a day to celebrate our kids!
The third Thursday in March is set aside for Absolutely Incredible Kid Day. Campfire USA created this special day to show kids that they are loved and cared for. If you’re a parent, they encourage you to write a letter to your kids today. If you don’t have children of your own, any incredible kid will do!
So a letter is a great idea. But what are some other things you can do to show your child that he or she is exceptionally special?
• Tell him! Don’t like to write? Then just say it! To a child, nothing can quite compare to hearing Mom or Dad say he’s wonderful. Watch your kid’s face light up and heart swell when you brag on him and tell him what an awesome kid he is.
• Advertise. Call your local newspaper and run a classified ad, “just because.” Tell thousands of readers just why your child is the most incredible kid in the world. Be sure to cut out the ad, laminate and enlarge it. Wrap it up along with a copy of that day’s paper. Place it on her mirror or frame it and place it in front of her plate at dinner.
• Send an E-Card. If your child spends a lot of time on the computer and has his own e-mail address, send him one or more e-cards, telling him how much he means to you. There are plenty of sites offering free e-cards, including http://www.123greetings.com and http://www.free-e-cards-online.com which offer several cards to choose from. You’re sure to find one with the message you want to deliver.
• Turn on the Radio. Does she have a favorite radio station? How about calling to request a dedication of a particular song she loves? Or choose a song yourself that speaks of a parent’s love for their child (Butterfly Kisses by Bob Carlisle, Cinderella by Steven Curtis Chapman and You are the Sunshine of my Life by Stevie Wonder are just a few that come to mind.) Just be sure you’ll be in a place where you can turn the radio on so she’ll hear your dedication.
• Do his chores. If it’s your son’s job to set the table or take out the trash on Thursdays, do it for him. The fact that not only does he get a day off from his chores but that you’re doing the work for him speaks volumes of love and appreciation to your child.
• What’s for Dinner? Whether hot dogs, pizza, macaroni and cheese or a trip to McDonalds, let your kid choose what to eat for dinner. Throw in a yummy ice cream sundae for dessert. They’ll not only have incredibly full tummies, but also incredibly full hearts.
• Open the Bible. Refer to various Bible stories that tell about God using kids to accomplish His purpose. (David, Samuel, the boy with the five loaves of bread and two fish…). Remind your child that God wonderfully and beautifully created her and that He has an incredible plan for her life.
Of course, kids should be told they are special every day – not just one day of the year. However, use this day to begin the habit of demonstrating just how important your child is. To you, to the world, and to God.
If only every child could fully grasp just how magnificent they truly are.
Now that would be incredible!
- Daddy-daughter Dating
Daddy-daughter Dating
by: Lynn Powers
Whether you realize it or not, you alone are the greatest factor in determining what type of man your daughter ends up marrying. Quite likely, she will choose someone just like you. Or, if not a man exactly like you, one with very similar tendencies and characteristics. Scary thought, isn’t it?
You have your daughter’s best interests at heart, right? You want her Prince Charming to come along (many, many years down the road!), sweep her off her feet and treat her like the princess she is. Assuming that you want that fairy tale ending for your little girl, it’s at least partly up to you to see to it that she starts getting the royal treatment at an early age. Let her know that settling for anything less is just plain unacceptable.
A great way to do that is to date your daughter. Set aside specific date nights (or mornings or afternoons) to spend with her and only her. Because girls usually love extra little things that make them feel special, perhaps you’ll want to even give her a personalized invitation. You might decide to reveal all the details of where you’re planning to take her on your date. Or call it a “Mystery Date,” heightening her anticipation even more. If the date is a mystery, however, you might tell her to how to dress – should she wear her fanciest dress or will jeans do?
The most important thing isn’t what you do, or where you go, but that you’re spending some one-on-one time with your baby girl (and no matter how old she is, she’s still your baby).
Not sure where to start? Need some daddy-daughter date ideas? Here are a few to get you started:
Ages 3-8: Your little girl is starting to crave her daddy’s attention so anything you choose to do on these “dates” will probably make you a hero in her eyes. At this age, you’ll want to keep it simple. Fast food restaurants with play equipment (McDonalds) may be okay, but be sure to set aside some time for eating and chatting, first.
Other options:
• Swimming at a local public pool, followed by pizza.
• A picnic in the park and a nature walk or a few pushes on the swings.
• Toss her bike in the back of the van and head to an empty parking lot – this is the perfect spot to practice without those training wheels.
• Pitch a tent in your own backyard and play Barbies for a couple hours.
• Send the rest of the family away and set your kitchen table with chocolate chip cookies and china cups of Kool-Aid. Invite her dolls to dine with you.
Ages 9-13: This is the age when your daughter is beginning to notice boy / girl “roles” in relationships. Make a point of opening doors, pulling out her chair, lavishing on the compliments, and showing her the proper way to treat a lady. If money allows, this would be the perfect time to give your daughter her first taste of fine dining.
Other options:
• Take her to the mall and let her model a few outfits for you. Then let her choose her favorite.
• Sports aren’t just for boys! Take your daughter to a local or professional baseball or basketball game, or any sporting event she might enjoy.
• Dust off your ball and shoes and head to the bowling alley. You might want to ask for bumpers if it’s been a while. This is for your benefit, as it probably wouldn’t look good if you got beat by your ten year old!
• Get tickets to her favorite concert (Miley Cyrus would likely be a hit!). Yes, it might be torture for you, but I’m willing to bet it would go down in history as one of her best dates ever!
Ages 14+: Now that she’s a teenager, give her the opportunity to decide what to do on your dates. It may be a dinner and a movie, a Christian rock concert, a local theater production, or just taking a drive out to the beach once she gets that learner’s permit.
Keep in mind that she may go through a period where dating her dad seems so, I don’t know…. “ew.” While you don’t want to force her to continue with these one-on-one dates, don’t ever stop asking. Chances are she’ll soon come to miss her time with you and realize you’re not so “ew” after all.
Again, the important thing is not what you do but that you’re taking the time to get to know your daughter. And hopefully, when she does choose that special someone on day, she’ll be proud to say he’s just like you.
Some excellent resources:
• What a Daughter Needs From Her Dad (How a man prepares his daughter for life) by Michael Farris
• Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters by Meg Meeker, M.D.
• The Dads and Daughters Togetherness Guide: 54 fun activities to help build a great relationship By Joe Kelly
by: Lynn Powers
Whether you realize it or not, you alone are the greatest factor in determining what type of man your daughter ends up marrying. Quite likely, she will choose someone just like you. Or, if not a man exactly like you, one with very similar tendencies and characteristics. Scary thought, isn’t it?
You have your daughter’s best interests at heart, right? You want her Prince Charming to come along (many, many years down the road!), sweep her off her feet and treat her like the princess she is. Assuming that you want that fairy tale ending for your little girl, it’s at least partly up to you to see to it that she starts getting the royal treatment at an early age. Let her know that settling for anything less is just plain unacceptable.
A great way to do that is to date your daughter. Set aside specific date nights (or mornings or afternoons) to spend with her and only her. Because girls usually love extra little things that make them feel special, perhaps you’ll want to even give her a personalized invitation. You might decide to reveal all the details of where you’re planning to take her on your date. Or call it a “Mystery Date,” heightening her anticipation even more. If the date is a mystery, however, you might tell her to how to dress – should she wear her fanciest dress or will jeans do?
The most important thing isn’t what you do, or where you go, but that you’re spending some one-on-one time with your baby girl (and no matter how old she is, she’s still your baby).
Not sure where to start? Need some daddy-daughter date ideas? Here are a few to get you started:
Ages 3-8: Your little girl is starting to crave her daddy’s attention so anything you choose to do on these “dates” will probably make you a hero in her eyes. At this age, you’ll want to keep it simple. Fast food restaurants with play equipment (McDonalds) may be okay, but be sure to set aside some time for eating and chatting, first.
Other options:
• Swimming at a local public pool, followed by pizza.
• A picnic in the park and a nature walk or a few pushes on the swings.
• Toss her bike in the back of the van and head to an empty parking lot – this is the perfect spot to practice without those training wheels.
• Pitch a tent in your own backyard and play Barbies for a couple hours.
• Send the rest of the family away and set your kitchen table with chocolate chip cookies and china cups of Kool-Aid. Invite her dolls to dine with you.
Ages 9-13: This is the age when your daughter is beginning to notice boy / girl “roles” in relationships. Make a point of opening doors, pulling out her chair, lavishing on the compliments, and showing her the proper way to treat a lady. If money allows, this would be the perfect time to give your daughter her first taste of fine dining.
Other options:
• Take her to the mall and let her model a few outfits for you. Then let her choose her favorite.
• Sports aren’t just for boys! Take your daughter to a local or professional baseball or basketball game, or any sporting event she might enjoy.
• Dust off your ball and shoes and head to the bowling alley. You might want to ask for bumpers if it’s been a while. This is for your benefit, as it probably wouldn’t look good if you got beat by your ten year old!
• Get tickets to her favorite concert (Miley Cyrus would likely be a hit!). Yes, it might be torture for you, but I’m willing to bet it would go down in history as one of her best dates ever!
Ages 14+: Now that she’s a teenager, give her the opportunity to decide what to do on your dates. It may be a dinner and a movie, a Christian rock concert, a local theater production, or just taking a drive out to the beach once she gets that learner’s permit.
Keep in mind that she may go through a period where dating her dad seems so, I don’t know…. “ew.” While you don’t want to force her to continue with these one-on-one dates, don’t ever stop asking. Chances are she’ll soon come to miss her time with you and realize you’re not so “ew” after all.
Again, the important thing is not what you do but that you’re taking the time to get to know your daughter. And hopefully, when she does choose that special someone on day, she’ll be proud to say he’s just like you.
Some excellent resources:
• What a Daughter Needs From Her Dad (How a man prepares his daughter for life) by Michael Farris
• Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters by Meg Meeker, M.D.
• The Dads and Daughters Togetherness Guide: 54 fun activities to help build a great relationship By Joe Kelly
- Using Natural Ways to Increase Fertility
Using Natural Ways to Increase Fertility
by: Lyta Humphris
Are you finding it difficult to become pregnant? If so you can do many simple things to improve your chances of conception, the way we live can have a big effect on the reproductive system of both men and women and most people prefer natural ways to increase fertility. You may both have to change your life-style to incorporate healthy influences, and eliminate things you enjoy that reduce your fertility.
Increasing or improving your fertility is something you can both do. You can make sure your weight is within the range that is helpful for conceiving. You can make sure you incorporate a regular gentle exercise programme into your daily life such as walking; cycling or swimming, being fit and active is beneficial for fertility. You can make sure you and your partner are eating healthily, and eliminate habits that may lower your chances of conceiving.
Alcohol Reduction
Alcohol can put pregnancy at risk. According to some studies, the risk of miscarriage appears to increase with moderate drinking during the first three months of pregnancy, particularly in the first weeks.
Reducing Stress
Stress can have a big effect on fertility. In women under stress, the reproductive hormone prolactin is over-produced and this can interfere with ovulation. The hypothalamus stops secreting gonadotrophin hormone, which in turn will affect the release of both the luteinizing hormone and follicle-stimulating hormone. As these hormones stimulate ovulation - fertility is affected.
Self help for stress is regular exercise, deep breathing techniques, hypnotherapy and visualization - a combined approach can include the following:
- Acupuncture
- Nutrition
- Hypnotherapy
Fertility is a whole-body event, not something that happens just in our reproductive organs - that is why a holistic approach often works well. There may be a need for more fertility awareness and lifestyle changes to improve the chances of starting the pregnancy, or there may be a need for nutritional supplements, relaxation and de-stressing techniques, acupuncture, and massage.
Nutritional Improvement
You should not overlook nutrition in fertility treatment – it is important to have a good level of nourishment that will allow your body to function well, and it is of course a very natural way to increase fertility! Bad eating habits can lower the reserves of nutrients that are necessary for reproductive hormone systems to work properly.
Your hormonal balance and fertility are affected by what you eat, your nutrient levels and how well your digestion works. If you are short of essential fatty acids, vitamin A, vitamin B6, zinc, magnesium, and antioxidants, then your hormone production may be blocked - resulting in an imbalance that makes conception less likely.
Acupuncture
Have you ever wondered about the treatment of infertility with traditional medicine and acupuncture? Good candidates for trying medical acupuncture are people who have unexplained infertility - acupuncture is effective for balancing the body's energies and raising the receptiveness of the body for conception. Men and women with a physical problem, such as damaged fallopian tubes, or a low sperm count, would be encouraged to try acupuncture in addition to their medical treatment.
When skilfully applied, acupuncture is effective in correcting many of the imbalances that underlie the complex physical and hormonal disorders that lead to a reduction in fertility.
Smoking Cessation
Women who smoke are more likely to take longer to conceive, they have an increased risk of miscarriage, and lower oestrogen and progesterone levels. Men who smoke are likely to have decreased sperm density, less motile sperm, reduced testosterone, and an increase in abnormal sperm. These risks for both men and women increase with the number of cigarettes smoked.
Hypnotherapy
Hypnotherapy is exceptionally beneficial and natural way to increase fertility. Hypnotherapists are already using Hypnotherapy to help women give birth peacefully, and teaching them that a normal birth should be a calm and natural process. Learning simple but specialised relaxation, and breathing, and other techniques, make the whole birth easier and more comfortable.
With unexplained infertility, hypnotherapists teach you to let go of the stress you have been holding on to, using specialised relaxation, and breathing techniques. It teaches you to let go of any emotional blocks or worries you may have that can create infertility issues – Hypnotherapy can help you identify and process emotional issues that might be interfering with conception.
In addition to dealing with deep-seated fears, hypnotherapy is effective in stress reduction, and this in turn allows for hormonal rebalancing. This has been seen in cases where there is too much prolactin being produced which can inhibit ovulation. In a relaxed environment at a clinic, you can work together to bring about positive attitudes and beliefs.
You can give your unconscious mind free rein here and allow yourself to be creative, free, and prepared to follow your heart's wishes.
So there you have it - a range of natural ways to Increase infertility . Choose as many as befits your lifestyle and make things easier for yourself and your baby.
by: Lyta Humphris
Are you finding it difficult to become pregnant? If so you can do many simple things to improve your chances of conception, the way we live can have a big effect on the reproductive system of both men and women and most people prefer natural ways to increase fertility. You may both have to change your life-style to incorporate healthy influences, and eliminate things you enjoy that reduce your fertility.
Increasing or improving your fertility is something you can both do. You can make sure your weight is within the range that is helpful for conceiving. You can make sure you incorporate a regular gentle exercise programme into your daily life such as walking; cycling or swimming, being fit and active is beneficial for fertility. You can make sure you and your partner are eating healthily, and eliminate habits that may lower your chances of conceiving.
Alcohol Reduction
Alcohol can put pregnancy at risk. According to some studies, the risk of miscarriage appears to increase with moderate drinking during the first three months of pregnancy, particularly in the first weeks.
Reducing Stress
Stress can have a big effect on fertility. In women under stress, the reproductive hormone prolactin is over-produced and this can interfere with ovulation. The hypothalamus stops secreting gonadotrophin hormone, which in turn will affect the release of both the luteinizing hormone and follicle-stimulating hormone. As these hormones stimulate ovulation - fertility is affected.
Self help for stress is regular exercise, deep breathing techniques, hypnotherapy and visualization - a combined approach can include the following:
- Acupuncture
- Nutrition
- Hypnotherapy
Fertility is a whole-body event, not something that happens just in our reproductive organs - that is why a holistic approach often works well. There may be a need for more fertility awareness and lifestyle changes to improve the chances of starting the pregnancy, or there may be a need for nutritional supplements, relaxation and de-stressing techniques, acupuncture, and massage.
Nutritional Improvement
You should not overlook nutrition in fertility treatment – it is important to have a good level of nourishment that will allow your body to function well, and it is of course a very natural way to increase fertility! Bad eating habits can lower the reserves of nutrients that are necessary for reproductive hormone systems to work properly.
Your hormonal balance and fertility are affected by what you eat, your nutrient levels and how well your digestion works. If you are short of essential fatty acids, vitamin A, vitamin B6, zinc, magnesium, and antioxidants, then your hormone production may be blocked - resulting in an imbalance that makes conception less likely.
Acupuncture
Have you ever wondered about the treatment of infertility with traditional medicine and acupuncture? Good candidates for trying medical acupuncture are people who have unexplained infertility - acupuncture is effective for balancing the body's energies and raising the receptiveness of the body for conception. Men and women with a physical problem, such as damaged fallopian tubes, or a low sperm count, would be encouraged to try acupuncture in addition to their medical treatment.
When skilfully applied, acupuncture is effective in correcting many of the imbalances that underlie the complex physical and hormonal disorders that lead to a reduction in fertility.
Smoking Cessation
Women who smoke are more likely to take longer to conceive, they have an increased risk of miscarriage, and lower oestrogen and progesterone levels. Men who smoke are likely to have decreased sperm density, less motile sperm, reduced testosterone, and an increase in abnormal sperm. These risks for both men and women increase with the number of cigarettes smoked.
Hypnotherapy
Hypnotherapy is exceptionally beneficial and natural way to increase fertility. Hypnotherapists are already using Hypnotherapy to help women give birth peacefully, and teaching them that a normal birth should be a calm and natural process. Learning simple but specialised relaxation, and breathing, and other techniques, make the whole birth easier and more comfortable.
With unexplained infertility, hypnotherapists teach you to let go of the stress you have been holding on to, using specialised relaxation, and breathing techniques. It teaches you to let go of any emotional blocks or worries you may have that can create infertility issues – Hypnotherapy can help you identify and process emotional issues that might be interfering with conception.
In addition to dealing with deep-seated fears, hypnotherapy is effective in stress reduction, and this in turn allows for hormonal rebalancing. This has been seen in cases where there is too much prolactin being produced which can inhibit ovulation. In a relaxed environment at a clinic, you can work together to bring about positive attitudes and beliefs.
You can give your unconscious mind free rein here and allow yourself to be creative, free, and prepared to follow your heart's wishes.
So there you have it - a range of natural ways to Increase infertility . Choose as many as befits your lifestyle and make things easier for yourself and your baby.
- What Does Your Child REALLY Need From You?
What Does Your Child REALLY Need From You?
by: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
Most parents want to be good parents. Yet parenting is one of those things that does not have hard and fast rules. So how do we know what to do? How do we know what will support our children in being all they can be?
One of the most important things for parents to do is to learn to trust their own intuition. Your feelings tell you when you are on course or off course in your behavior with your children. When things feel right inside, then you know that you are being a truly loving parent, and when they feel wrong inside, you know you are out of alignment with what is in your highest good and your children's highest good.
I remember my mother telling me that she used to put her fist in her mouth to stop herself from crying and from picking me up when I was an infant and cried. She had read in Dr. Spock that babies should not be picked up when they cry, that it is good for their lungs to cry, and that she would spoil me if she picked me up. But her insides were telling her the opposite - that babies cry when they need food, changing, or love. It is so sad that she followed Dr. Spock instead of her own inner knowing.
Now research has proven that babies who are not picked up when they cry become more dependent and insecure than babies who are kept with their mothers. In other countries, babies sleep with their parents until they no longer want to, feeling safe all night. In our country, most babies are alone at night, some crying themselves to sleep. This is not only sad, it is not healthy for the baby.
So the first thing your child needs from you is to trust your inner knowing rather than any book you read.
Your child needs your loving presence - not your busy preoccupied presence. For your children to feel important to you, they need to feel you fully present with them - reading to them daily, playing with them, holding and comforting them, and listening to them.
Your children need for you to create a healthy environment for them by feeding them healthy food, restricting screen time - TV, computer, video games - and making sure they play outdoors and get enough exercise. They need your encouragement to develop their hobbies and interests. They need you to try natural remedies before resorting to drugs for illness, so that you don't set them up for more illness with the side effects of drugs.
They need for you to be a good role model of self-care. Children need to see their parents taking full responsibility for their own feelings instead of being victims and blaming others. With this role modeling, they will also learn to take full responsibility for their own feelings. Learning and practicing the Inner Bonding process that we teach will support you in becoming this loving role model for your children.
Children also need you to be a role model for care of the environment. My daughter told me that my 3-1/2 year-old grandson got very upset with the checker at the market for using a plastic bag. "No, no plastic bags! It's bad for the environment!" he told the checker. By role modeling caring for our planet, we can raise children who are much more conscious of taking care of our environment.
Your children need to see you being connected with a spiritual Source of love, peace and wisdom in order to naturally connect with their own higher power. By developing your spiritual connection, they can learn to have their own.
What do your children really need from you? They need you to learn to be all you can be so they have the role modeling and permission to be all they can be.
by: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
Most parents want to be good parents. Yet parenting is one of those things that does not have hard and fast rules. So how do we know what to do? How do we know what will support our children in being all they can be?
One of the most important things for parents to do is to learn to trust their own intuition. Your feelings tell you when you are on course or off course in your behavior with your children. When things feel right inside, then you know that you are being a truly loving parent, and when they feel wrong inside, you know you are out of alignment with what is in your highest good and your children's highest good.
I remember my mother telling me that she used to put her fist in her mouth to stop herself from crying and from picking me up when I was an infant and cried. She had read in Dr. Spock that babies should not be picked up when they cry, that it is good for their lungs to cry, and that she would spoil me if she picked me up. But her insides were telling her the opposite - that babies cry when they need food, changing, or love. It is so sad that she followed Dr. Spock instead of her own inner knowing.
Now research has proven that babies who are not picked up when they cry become more dependent and insecure than babies who are kept with their mothers. In other countries, babies sleep with their parents until they no longer want to, feeling safe all night. In our country, most babies are alone at night, some crying themselves to sleep. This is not only sad, it is not healthy for the baby.
So the first thing your child needs from you is to trust your inner knowing rather than any book you read.
Your child needs your loving presence - not your busy preoccupied presence. For your children to feel important to you, they need to feel you fully present with them - reading to them daily, playing with them, holding and comforting them, and listening to them.
Your children need for you to create a healthy environment for them by feeding them healthy food, restricting screen time - TV, computer, video games - and making sure they play outdoors and get enough exercise. They need your encouragement to develop their hobbies and interests. They need you to try natural remedies before resorting to drugs for illness, so that you don't set them up for more illness with the side effects of drugs.
They need for you to be a good role model of self-care. Children need to see their parents taking full responsibility for their own feelings instead of being victims and blaming others. With this role modeling, they will also learn to take full responsibility for their own feelings. Learning and practicing the Inner Bonding process that we teach will support you in becoming this loving role model for your children.
Children also need you to be a role model for care of the environment. My daughter told me that my 3-1/2 year-old grandson got very upset with the checker at the market for using a plastic bag. "No, no plastic bags! It's bad for the environment!" he told the checker. By role modeling caring for our planet, we can raise children who are much more conscious of taking care of our environment.
Your children need to see you being connected with a spiritual Source of love, peace and wisdom in order to naturally connect with their own higher power. By developing your spiritual connection, they can learn to have their own.
What do your children really need from you? They need you to learn to be all you can be so they have the role modeling and permission to be all they can be.
- Year Two: Adventures in Instant Parenthood
Year Two: Adventures in Instant Parenthood
by: Gracely Sinclair
It’s amazing how life’s time can leave you…fast. It was almost one year ago that our daughter came to us. We had found her in foster care and opened our home to her. This, not knowing that our son was already growing inside me… the son that the doctors had, for ten years, told us we couldn’t have.
So…
I think that receiving two children in the space of five months, as rookie parents (and one a newborn!), was the toughest thing that either of us had ever done. But it was also a sudden open door onto an avenue lined with good things. The avenue was stony and sometimes hard to walk. But the good things became gooder and gooder.
Why haven’t I written down every observation on parenthood; every cute look and lisped phrase; every gurgle, smile, and fart? Because I’ve been reaching for my pen and formulating half-sentences for almost a year. But always, before being able to commit thought to paper, the spaghetti boiled over, the phone rang, the family walked in, or the pen dropped to the floor and my thoughts ended in, “Zzzzzzzz”. Now comes the actual effort of recording our adventures as a new family. And just in time… I forget things quickly, easily, and often forever.
“She”
Our daughter is the daughter of a niece of ours, gone wild. We’re not sure where the niece is, just that she’s not wherever her various children are.
She was 10 months old when we got a phone call from a frantic grandmother, telling us that the child had been abandoned to foster care in Washington state. The grandmother lives in Mexico and could do nothing. Fortunately, God had stayed our hand when we had considered adoption a year or so before so that, though eligible to adopt in Oregon, we hadn’t yet. That smoothed the path for the child that He had for us.
The gears of the state grind slowly, though, and another year had gone by before we got to see She for the first time. In between was the paperwork that means the state is letting you care for this little thing instead of doing it themselves. Finally, though, we got to visit her.
We’ve talked about that moment many times. How frightened we were, waiting for the door to open. How such a small being could make us – grown adults who drive and have jobs– shake in our shoes! And then, there she was. The most adorable 22 month-old girl with braided hair and eyes that seemed big enough to wrap around the sides of her head. She was perfect.
Well, almost perfect… A month later we had her home and two months later she was calling us Mommy and Daddy. We were over the moon and then down into the valley as the terrible two’s began in earnest. But the hills and valleys, thankfully, were interspersed with each other so that life averaged out on the wonderful side.
When she arrived, we could count the number of real words that She could say on a couple of hands. She still took a bottle at night and we couldn’t figure out where to get her hair done. I probably obsessed on this last point more than any other. I wasn’t able to take care of my own hair, let alone the mop she came with.
She cried at night and we had to learn just how to comfort her. She had a drooling problem; thank heavens that’s starting to take care of itself. And she had a habit of biting and hitting when angry. That resolved itself with reasonable discipline. But it’s a work in progress and her progress has been amazing.
She just loved to pat Mommy’s growing tummy and talked endlessly about the baby inside. Her own tummy was shown with pride to all, and she wondered aloud if she would have a baby, too. (When the baby did come, I wonder if it registered. The patting of the tummy and the wondering where the baby is continued for some time…)
We quickly learned that She did not like to be thwarted. She wanted what she wanted. She wanted it now, and she told you so often. When whatever it was was not forthcoming… well, we literally bought ear plugs. But a trip to the park or a ride on a slide and especially the adventure at Zoo Lights in Portland showed us her active, athletic, and curious side. The sponge part of her now is inside her – wondering, asking, learning, and repeating what she’s learned.
When she arrived, She fit into size 6 or 6-1/2 shoes. Now we’re lucky to get her into a size 9. She has grown some inches and we can make out cheekbones where we used to see chub. She no longer eats her crayons and actually enjoys applying them to paper. She loves working with glue and other art supplies… anything sticky. And – we can’t wait – she’s been on the potty a good many times, with reasonable (if not consistent) results.
Now She speaks well, often in full sentences. She has an amazing memory and knows some Korean words that she’s taught at her day care. She talks about her friends and wants me to make her babies and her toy bears talk and move. Then she talks back to them, consoling and chiding them, just like Mommy does.
With us she’s very direct. She has given me a count (“1 - 2 - 3! Time out, Mommy!”) and tells us to go to sleep. She loves “my music”, and bounces and sings to Jesus Loves Me, The Bare Necessities, and The Mickey Mouse Club March, among others. She dances to music and TV theme songs and commercials. Whenever we have company and the dancing starts, we all sit down and watch “The She Show.”
She gives me imaginary presents to open, since Christmas made such a big hit with her. She wonders where the stockings went and why we had to take down the lights. She always wants to go back to the beach, which is where we spent Thanksgiving with my family. And she wonders how big she’ll have to be before she can go see Mickey at Disneyland. After we tell her that she has to get bigger and stronger, she says, “I get my coat.”
She loves her Daddy’s family, who are all in town. She will look at me and ask after a member of the family…Uncle This or Auntie That. I’ll tell her where they probably are at the moment and then I’ll say, “Who else?” And we’ll talk about every member of the family that we can think of. Of course, she wants to see the cousins every day. And even more of course, though she knows the answer well, “Where’s Daddy?”
She doesn’t do well with change. This is typical of foster and adopted and… well… just kids. She cries often while in bed and it’s sometimes hard to figure out why. Heaven help us, we get angry. Tired people often do… But then came the day (quite recently, really) when she moved across the room into her “big girl bed”, which is furnished with a rail that has her name cut into it by another brother who is a woodworker in his spare and generous time.
Her Daddy bought her a Tinker Bell light and another Princess night light that help her deal with the dark. It’s so comfy and cushy and PINK that I’m envious sometimes. She surrounds herself with plush toys and favorite blankets and settles in for the night – more and more, the entire night. And we have peace… blessed peace… and then the boy wakes up and wants his food.
“He”
I have never been happier than when I was pregnant with our son. At 37 years old, with special health issues, I was considered a high risk in pregnancy and had ultrasounds almost every week. I had a high-risk team of obstetricians following me around with charts, probes, and pee tubes. This last item was always welcome.
I look back at pictures of myself during that time and see this glow and smooth radiance in my face that I remember inside me but never noticed in the mirror. I was never sick or even the slightest bit nauseous. My other symptoms disappeared almost entirely… no more soreness or swelling, no more aching back until the very end.
He wanted us to know immediately that he was a HE. During one of the initial ultrasounds, he flipped himself over and spread his legs as wide as he could. The ultrasound picture of his defining male characteristic is one of my favorites. I’ll never forget the tone in my husband’s voice when I told him he was going to have a son. Just a very, very quiet, “No way.” There was so much awe, hope, and fear in that tone and in that voice. It moved me as few other speeches have.
He grew well and exactly on schedule. He turned over from a breach position to a head-down position in plenty of time. He got the hiccups so often that it became no longer novel. We had several baby showers and are still going through clothes and toys donated to us from friends and family. We have bought very little for the kid; and he has everything he could possibly want and more.
Then we went to the hospital in one of those scheduled and arranged situations. We would be induced here and then the birth would happen there, they said calmly. My obstetrician had a party to go to but would be back in “plenty of time”, since labor would probably take such-and-such hours.
Uh huh…
Hours after being given the pitossin to induce me, I had barely dilated at all. In the meantime, the baby’s heart rate was up then down then up and down. They broke my water manually and OWWWWW… the contractions started, minutes apart and hard as h-e-double-hockey-sticks. Sorry, Grandma. Hours of this, I thought. Are you crazy??
The senior member of my OB’s practice arrived and suggested a Cesarean procedure with an epidural. I have rarely been so grateful to any man still living… or dead for that matter. I love whoever Mr. Cesarean was! The operation began, with my husband gowning himself with shaking hands (he’s not a hospital guy). And minutes later the epidural was in effect and my son was being shown to us.
I will never in my life forget that moment. I burst into tears for so many reasons that it seems silly to recount them. He was safe…he was here…he was ours…he was healthy-looking…we had done it. Thank you, God. Thank you forever.
Four days later I was released. The doctors studied the baby and myself for after-effects and drug levels and we were fine. He developed cradle cap and, in pictures, was downright ugly unless you were his mother and you were holding him at the time. He was skinny and seemed undersized, though I was assured he was exactly average in that regard. He smiled on his second day of life but wailed in a surprisingly piercing way when hungry or tired. I was exhausted and stressed. The doctors were sending me home with a life that I hadn’t had when I came into the hospital. Where was the manual? Who would I call at 2:00 a.m. when we were so stupid with fatigue that we were confused about which end the nipple went into?
I don’t know how we would have gotten through that first month without the love and backup of family and friends. They cooked and cleaned for us. They came and brought us hope and encouragement. When the house was filthy and there was no food in it, one couple went to the store and brought back $300 worth of goods and sent us to bed while they cleaned and cared for our kids. We got sleep. The dishes were done. There was food. We were speechless…we still are.
Day by day, hour by hour, month by month He grew and we came to understand him better. It took a solid month before routine had been re-established and we could eat and sleep with any amount of comfort. I can’t stop looking continuously into his bed, to check for breathing sounds. That will probably end when he’s 12.
Then breast-feeding became bottle-feeding. He suddenly was able to hold his head up and had a magnificent grip. We noticed immediately that he was strong; he was a true son of my husband’s. Much more alert than the average athlete, though. He noticed everything and studied everyone. And they always received a smile. The boy was a smiling fool, from the beginning.
The cradle cap moved back and the fine dark blonde hair began moving forward. The baby acne starting clearing up and I felt like a teenager, limp with relief that it was less visible all the time. He started eating more and more and crying less and less. The blankets with which we had to prop him in his swing became thin blankets, then disappeared. Then we had to strap him in because he was big enough to fall out.
He reached for us, then grabbed onto us. Then he reached for She’s toys. That was a mistake. Then he arched his back and looked behind him, above him, around him. Then he rolled over to get something and light dawned. Motion! Now we have a very active boy on our hands and, in our 40’s, get more exercise within the confines of our home than out of it.
Year Two
I’ve never imagined my life as full as this. Even as a young woman, my visions of motherhood were blurry and distant. I never knew where my life was headed in that regard. Then, after several discouragements, those hopes faded almost completely.
I’m so grateful to God for taking this decision out of our hands. People’s eyes get big and I hear breathed “Wow, you’re busy,” when they hear about us. And for us it is hard to step back and just see who we are. There’s always a load of laundry waiting to be folded, the same spaghetti boiling over, and the two kids competing for our attention.
But we know what we can seldom speak. That life has become mission. That movement now has meaning. And that we are the luckiest two people on earth….
Let Year Two begin!
by: Gracely Sinclair
It’s amazing how life’s time can leave you…fast. It was almost one year ago that our daughter came to us. We had found her in foster care and opened our home to her. This, not knowing that our son was already growing inside me… the son that the doctors had, for ten years, told us we couldn’t have.
So…
I think that receiving two children in the space of five months, as rookie parents (and one a newborn!), was the toughest thing that either of us had ever done. But it was also a sudden open door onto an avenue lined with good things. The avenue was stony and sometimes hard to walk. But the good things became gooder and gooder.
Why haven’t I written down every observation on parenthood; every cute look and lisped phrase; every gurgle, smile, and fart? Because I’ve been reaching for my pen and formulating half-sentences for almost a year. But always, before being able to commit thought to paper, the spaghetti boiled over, the phone rang, the family walked in, or the pen dropped to the floor and my thoughts ended in, “Zzzzzzzz”. Now comes the actual effort of recording our adventures as a new family. And just in time… I forget things quickly, easily, and often forever.
“She”
Our daughter is the daughter of a niece of ours, gone wild. We’re not sure where the niece is, just that she’s not wherever her various children are.
She was 10 months old when we got a phone call from a frantic grandmother, telling us that the child had been abandoned to foster care in Washington state. The grandmother lives in Mexico and could do nothing. Fortunately, God had stayed our hand when we had considered adoption a year or so before so that, though eligible to adopt in Oregon, we hadn’t yet. That smoothed the path for the child that He had for us.
The gears of the state grind slowly, though, and another year had gone by before we got to see She for the first time. In between was the paperwork that means the state is letting you care for this little thing instead of doing it themselves. Finally, though, we got to visit her.
We’ve talked about that moment many times. How frightened we were, waiting for the door to open. How such a small being could make us – grown adults who drive and have jobs– shake in our shoes! And then, there she was. The most adorable 22 month-old girl with braided hair and eyes that seemed big enough to wrap around the sides of her head. She was perfect.
Well, almost perfect… A month later we had her home and two months later she was calling us Mommy and Daddy. We were over the moon and then down into the valley as the terrible two’s began in earnest. But the hills and valleys, thankfully, were interspersed with each other so that life averaged out on the wonderful side.
When she arrived, we could count the number of real words that She could say on a couple of hands. She still took a bottle at night and we couldn’t figure out where to get her hair done. I probably obsessed on this last point more than any other. I wasn’t able to take care of my own hair, let alone the mop she came with.
She cried at night and we had to learn just how to comfort her. She had a drooling problem; thank heavens that’s starting to take care of itself. And she had a habit of biting and hitting when angry. That resolved itself with reasonable discipline. But it’s a work in progress and her progress has been amazing.
She just loved to pat Mommy’s growing tummy and talked endlessly about the baby inside. Her own tummy was shown with pride to all, and she wondered aloud if she would have a baby, too. (When the baby did come, I wonder if it registered. The patting of the tummy and the wondering where the baby is continued for some time…)
We quickly learned that She did not like to be thwarted. She wanted what she wanted. She wanted it now, and she told you so often. When whatever it was was not forthcoming… well, we literally bought ear plugs. But a trip to the park or a ride on a slide and especially the adventure at Zoo Lights in Portland showed us her active, athletic, and curious side. The sponge part of her now is inside her – wondering, asking, learning, and repeating what she’s learned.
When she arrived, She fit into size 6 or 6-1/2 shoes. Now we’re lucky to get her into a size 9. She has grown some inches and we can make out cheekbones where we used to see chub. She no longer eats her crayons and actually enjoys applying them to paper. She loves working with glue and other art supplies… anything sticky. And – we can’t wait – she’s been on the potty a good many times, with reasonable (if not consistent) results.
Now She speaks well, often in full sentences. She has an amazing memory and knows some Korean words that she’s taught at her day care. She talks about her friends and wants me to make her babies and her toy bears talk and move. Then she talks back to them, consoling and chiding them, just like Mommy does.
With us she’s very direct. She has given me a count (“1 - 2 - 3! Time out, Mommy!”) and tells us to go to sleep. She loves “my music”, and bounces and sings to Jesus Loves Me, The Bare Necessities, and The Mickey Mouse Club March, among others. She dances to music and TV theme songs and commercials. Whenever we have company and the dancing starts, we all sit down and watch “The She Show.”
She gives me imaginary presents to open, since Christmas made such a big hit with her. She wonders where the stockings went and why we had to take down the lights. She always wants to go back to the beach, which is where we spent Thanksgiving with my family. And she wonders how big she’ll have to be before she can go see Mickey at Disneyland. After we tell her that she has to get bigger and stronger, she says, “I get my coat.”
She loves her Daddy’s family, who are all in town. She will look at me and ask after a member of the family…Uncle This or Auntie That. I’ll tell her where they probably are at the moment and then I’ll say, “Who else?” And we’ll talk about every member of the family that we can think of. Of course, she wants to see the cousins every day. And even more of course, though she knows the answer well, “Where’s Daddy?”
She doesn’t do well with change. This is typical of foster and adopted and… well… just kids. She cries often while in bed and it’s sometimes hard to figure out why. Heaven help us, we get angry. Tired people often do… But then came the day (quite recently, really) when she moved across the room into her “big girl bed”, which is furnished with a rail that has her name cut into it by another brother who is a woodworker in his spare and generous time.
Her Daddy bought her a Tinker Bell light and another Princess night light that help her deal with the dark. It’s so comfy and cushy and PINK that I’m envious sometimes. She surrounds herself with plush toys and favorite blankets and settles in for the night – more and more, the entire night. And we have peace… blessed peace… and then the boy wakes up and wants his food.
“He”
I have never been happier than when I was pregnant with our son. At 37 years old, with special health issues, I was considered a high risk in pregnancy and had ultrasounds almost every week. I had a high-risk team of obstetricians following me around with charts, probes, and pee tubes. This last item was always welcome.
I look back at pictures of myself during that time and see this glow and smooth radiance in my face that I remember inside me but never noticed in the mirror. I was never sick or even the slightest bit nauseous. My other symptoms disappeared almost entirely… no more soreness or swelling, no more aching back until the very end.
He wanted us to know immediately that he was a HE. During one of the initial ultrasounds, he flipped himself over and spread his legs as wide as he could. The ultrasound picture of his defining male characteristic is one of my favorites. I’ll never forget the tone in my husband’s voice when I told him he was going to have a son. Just a very, very quiet, “No way.” There was so much awe, hope, and fear in that tone and in that voice. It moved me as few other speeches have.
He grew well and exactly on schedule. He turned over from a breach position to a head-down position in plenty of time. He got the hiccups so often that it became no longer novel. We had several baby showers and are still going through clothes and toys donated to us from friends and family. We have bought very little for the kid; and he has everything he could possibly want and more.
Then we went to the hospital in one of those scheduled and arranged situations. We would be induced here and then the birth would happen there, they said calmly. My obstetrician had a party to go to but would be back in “plenty of time”, since labor would probably take such-and-such hours.
Uh huh…
Hours after being given the pitossin to induce me, I had barely dilated at all. In the meantime, the baby’s heart rate was up then down then up and down. They broke my water manually and OWWWWW… the contractions started, minutes apart and hard as h-e-double-hockey-sticks. Sorry, Grandma. Hours of this, I thought. Are you crazy??
The senior member of my OB’s practice arrived and suggested a Cesarean procedure with an epidural. I have rarely been so grateful to any man still living… or dead for that matter. I love whoever Mr. Cesarean was! The operation began, with my husband gowning himself with shaking hands (he’s not a hospital guy). And minutes later the epidural was in effect and my son was being shown to us.
I will never in my life forget that moment. I burst into tears for so many reasons that it seems silly to recount them. He was safe…he was here…he was ours…he was healthy-looking…we had done it. Thank you, God. Thank you forever.
Four days later I was released. The doctors studied the baby and myself for after-effects and drug levels and we were fine. He developed cradle cap and, in pictures, was downright ugly unless you were his mother and you were holding him at the time. He was skinny and seemed undersized, though I was assured he was exactly average in that regard. He smiled on his second day of life but wailed in a surprisingly piercing way when hungry or tired. I was exhausted and stressed. The doctors were sending me home with a life that I hadn’t had when I came into the hospital. Where was the manual? Who would I call at 2:00 a.m. when we were so stupid with fatigue that we were confused about which end the nipple went into?
I don’t know how we would have gotten through that first month without the love and backup of family and friends. They cooked and cleaned for us. They came and brought us hope and encouragement. When the house was filthy and there was no food in it, one couple went to the store and brought back $300 worth of goods and sent us to bed while they cleaned and cared for our kids. We got sleep. The dishes were done. There was food. We were speechless…we still are.
Day by day, hour by hour, month by month He grew and we came to understand him better. It took a solid month before routine had been re-established and we could eat and sleep with any amount of comfort. I can’t stop looking continuously into his bed, to check for breathing sounds. That will probably end when he’s 12.
Then breast-feeding became bottle-feeding. He suddenly was able to hold his head up and had a magnificent grip. We noticed immediately that he was strong; he was a true son of my husband’s. Much more alert than the average athlete, though. He noticed everything and studied everyone. And they always received a smile. The boy was a smiling fool, from the beginning.
The cradle cap moved back and the fine dark blonde hair began moving forward. The baby acne starting clearing up and I felt like a teenager, limp with relief that it was less visible all the time. He started eating more and more and crying less and less. The blankets with which we had to prop him in his swing became thin blankets, then disappeared. Then we had to strap him in because he was big enough to fall out.
He reached for us, then grabbed onto us. Then he reached for She’s toys. That was a mistake. Then he arched his back and looked behind him, above him, around him. Then he rolled over to get something and light dawned. Motion! Now we have a very active boy on our hands and, in our 40’s, get more exercise within the confines of our home than out of it.
Year Two
I’ve never imagined my life as full as this. Even as a young woman, my visions of motherhood were blurry and distant. I never knew where my life was headed in that regard. Then, after several discouragements, those hopes faded almost completely.
I’m so grateful to God for taking this decision out of our hands. People’s eyes get big and I hear breathed “Wow, you’re busy,” when they hear about us. And for us it is hard to step back and just see who we are. There’s always a load of laundry waiting to be folded, the same spaghetti boiling over, and the two kids competing for our attention.
But we know what we can seldom speak. That life has become mission. That movement now has meaning. And that we are the luckiest two people on earth….
Let Year Two begin!
- Seven Important Facts You May Want To Know About Saving For College
Seven Important Facts You May Want To Know About Saving For College
by: Robert Walsh
Major Corporations want to be able to hire college graduates.
The average college graduate makes approximately 70% more than the average high school graduate in his working career.
The cost of college is increasing faster than the inflation rate.
Dollar wise, the cost of college increases at more than $1,000 per year.
If you are able to SAVE $480 per month with an interest rate of 3.5% in a College Fund from the time your child is born to the time you send him/her off to college at age 18, you will have paid for 4 years at a public college or university ($145,000) with today’s projection.
With an average of 40% savings of monthly shopping costs for food and household goods, you can save an extra $226 per month to invest in a college-savings-plan.
Scholarships and grants are available for families based on yearly incomes of $65,000 or less.
Saving-and-paying for college may not be as difficult as you think. Save-money with everyday-shopping is the smart-way to save-for-college.
Generally, the more you hear about the high rising costs for a college education today, the cost factor becomes more frightening every year for the average American family. As with anything that is frightening we try to avoid it. We hide from it. We may even want to bury our heads in the sand, and hope that it just goes away. Or it paralyzes us into non-action. No matter what one’s response to fear is…as loving parents you will have to face the challenge head on one day… and the earlier the better.
Facing a fear head on, even as children, is ultimately how we all conquer our fears. So let’s journey together, it’s easier than doing it by one’s self…there’s safety in numbers. And you may become a lot safer with these numbers to plan, save, and pay for a college education for your son or daughter.
"SHOP-SMART SHOPPING-TIPS SAVE MONEY" will be our slogan. Let's start with some guidelines or rules.
The guideline or RULE #1 is very simple: NEVER PAY FULL PRICE for anything you buy. With a little bit of effort you will be surprised how much you can SAVE before you go out shopping.
According to a new poll conducted by the consumer Reports National Research Center for “ShopSmart” magazine, (women) shoppers who use coupons and store loyalty cards save over 10% a year on groceries…estimated to be the equivalent of $678 a year with an average weekly shopping trip of $116.00. Actually, YOU CAN DO A LOT BETTER THAN TEN PERCENT! The women in the survey used their coupons occasionally, and they did not necessarily use all of them.
This leads to RULE #2 - ALWAYS SIGN UP FOR STORE-LOYALTY CARDS. Don’t miss out on a sale. Sign up at all the local grocery stores in your area, and it’s FREE. Each week different stores have different items on sale. For example, if you have a loyalty card for store A, but not store B; and your brand of coffee or laundry detergent goes on Sale at store B, you will miss the SALE. And you pay FULL PRICE at store A because there was no Sale on your coffee or laundry detergent there this week. BE SMART….SHOP SMART makes the loyalty cards work for you. BE LOYAL TO YOURSELF and SAVE MONEY!
RULE #3 - TO OPTIMIZE YOUR SAVINGS- ALWAYS USE COUPONS. Coupons are easy to obtain. Check your Sunday Newspaper first, go online, and check the store sale ads both in the mail and in the store.
Rule #4 - ALWAYS STOCK UP, and BUY IN BULK WHAT IS ON SALE when it is a highly used item or high ticket item like coffee or laundry detergent. For example, your brand of coffee which is regularly priced as $10.99 for a large can (34 oz. or more) goes on sale for $5.99 for the shopper with the store loyalty card. That’s a savings of $5.00. Add one .50 cents-off manufacturer’s coupon. Now you just have saved 50%. (Hint: Keep an eye open for the coupon dispensers that hang off the shelves in the grocery store. If it offers a coupon for an item you use, take 3-4 of them, and save them until the product goes on sale prior to the coupon’s expiration date.)
Back to the coffee example… let’s say, you have four coupons for your brand of coffee. You purchase four cans of coffee and stock up at this price… and WHAM you just SAVED $22.00 for a 50% SAVINGS….much better than the average 10% that survey suggested. Even if you go out to the store just for the coffee that’s on SALE….YOU MADE A GREAT DEAL!
To keep your savings at a 50% level leads to Rule #5 - TAKE ADVANTAGE of BUY 1 GET 1 FREE OFFERS, especially on products your family uses on a regular basis. Again, buy in Bulk.
Rule #6 - BE FLEXIBLE with your shopping list when you see something on SALE:an item might not be on your shopping list this week; but you see that it’s on SALE, and you buy it. Now, there won’t be a need to put it on your shopping list for the next two or three weeks, and you SAVED.
Rule #7: ALWAYS ASK FOR A RAIN CHECK FOR A SALE ITEM that the store has run out of. This way you will be guaranteed not to miss out on the SALE ITEM. Rain checks can be good for one month or one year, depending on the store policy. (Hint: On the rain check ask for maximum amount of the item possible for a multiple purchase in the future.) These Shop-Smart shopping-tips will help you save-money with your everyday-shopping.
Another area to look for to SAVE MONEY is with your kidswear. You can SAVE BIG when you buy Kids clothing at half-off prices whether for your infant, toddler, or teenager. You can save up to half-off on top-quality designer kidswear. Think of how many more dollars YOU CAN SAVE and add to YOUR CHILD’S college savings plan. Each year, how much do you spend on clothing for your kids? Do the math…how much is the 50% off savings worth to you and your CHILD’S FUTURE COLLEGE EDUCATION….year after year. Don’t allow your education dollars educate someone else’s child. As a loving parent your responsibility is to your child first, and foremost.
These are just some of the possible ways to save half-off with your grocery shopping and your children’s clothing purchases that will begin to make college a reality for your child. Use these SHOP-SMART SHOPPING-TIPS to SAVE MONEY. Once you see how much money you save for your child’s education…set a goal….plan-save-and-pay for college with your monthly savings.
The survey indicated saving 10 percent on your grocery shopping would generate savings of $678 per year. My challenge to each of you is to average SAVINGS of 40% on your purchases. If you can do that…. you will realize savings up to $2,712 a year, or $226 per month; and that’s just on your groceries alone. Saving-and-paying for College may not be as difficult as you think once you start using the SHOP-SMART SHOPPING-TIPS for all your purchases. Automatically-save money-for-college each time you FOLLOW THE RULES. They represent Free-Money-for-College you didn’t know you even had.
It is our goal at http://robertwalshkidsclothing.com to provide hope to every family who has the dream of sending their child(ren) to college. Continue to deposit MONEY in your Free-College-Money Reward Program each time you order top-quality designer kidswear for your child(ren) whatever their age…infant…toddler…teen or any age in-between. Remember Rule #1: NEVER PAY FULL PRICE.
by: Robert Walsh
Major Corporations want to be able to hire college graduates.
The average college graduate makes approximately 70% more than the average high school graduate in his working career.
The cost of college is increasing faster than the inflation rate.
Dollar wise, the cost of college increases at more than $1,000 per year.
If you are able to SAVE $480 per month with an interest rate of 3.5% in a College Fund from the time your child is born to the time you send him/her off to college at age 18, you will have paid for 4 years at a public college or university ($145,000) with today’s projection.
With an average of 40% savings of monthly shopping costs for food and household goods, you can save an extra $226 per month to invest in a college-savings-plan.
Scholarships and grants are available for families based on yearly incomes of $65,000 or less.
Saving-and-paying for college may not be as difficult as you think. Save-money with everyday-shopping is the smart-way to save-for-college.
Generally, the more you hear about the high rising costs for a college education today, the cost factor becomes more frightening every year for the average American family. As with anything that is frightening we try to avoid it. We hide from it. We may even want to bury our heads in the sand, and hope that it just goes away. Or it paralyzes us into non-action. No matter what one’s response to fear is…as loving parents you will have to face the challenge head on one day… and the earlier the better.
Facing a fear head on, even as children, is ultimately how we all conquer our fears. So let’s journey together, it’s easier than doing it by one’s self…there’s safety in numbers. And you may become a lot safer with these numbers to plan, save, and pay for a college education for your son or daughter.
"SHOP-SMART SHOPPING-TIPS SAVE MONEY" will be our slogan. Let's start with some guidelines or rules.
The guideline or RULE #1 is very simple: NEVER PAY FULL PRICE for anything you buy. With a little bit of effort you will be surprised how much you can SAVE before you go out shopping.
According to a new poll conducted by the consumer Reports National Research Center for “ShopSmart” magazine, (women) shoppers who use coupons and store loyalty cards save over 10% a year on groceries…estimated to be the equivalent of $678 a year with an average weekly shopping trip of $116.00. Actually, YOU CAN DO A LOT BETTER THAN TEN PERCENT! The women in the survey used their coupons occasionally, and they did not necessarily use all of them.
This leads to RULE #2 - ALWAYS SIGN UP FOR STORE-LOYALTY CARDS. Don’t miss out on a sale. Sign up at all the local grocery stores in your area, and it’s FREE. Each week different stores have different items on sale. For example, if you have a loyalty card for store A, but not store B; and your brand of coffee or laundry detergent goes on Sale at store B, you will miss the SALE. And you pay FULL PRICE at store A because there was no Sale on your coffee or laundry detergent there this week. BE SMART….SHOP SMART makes the loyalty cards work for you. BE LOYAL TO YOURSELF and SAVE MONEY!
RULE #3 - TO OPTIMIZE YOUR SAVINGS- ALWAYS USE COUPONS. Coupons are easy to obtain. Check your Sunday Newspaper first, go online, and check the store sale ads both in the mail and in the store.
Rule #4 - ALWAYS STOCK UP, and BUY IN BULK WHAT IS ON SALE when it is a highly used item or high ticket item like coffee or laundry detergent. For example, your brand of coffee which is regularly priced as $10.99 for a large can (34 oz. or more) goes on sale for $5.99 for the shopper with the store loyalty card. That’s a savings of $5.00. Add one .50 cents-off manufacturer’s coupon. Now you just have saved 50%. (Hint: Keep an eye open for the coupon dispensers that hang off the shelves in the grocery store. If it offers a coupon for an item you use, take 3-4 of them, and save them until the product goes on sale prior to the coupon’s expiration date.)
Back to the coffee example… let’s say, you have four coupons for your brand of coffee. You purchase four cans of coffee and stock up at this price… and WHAM you just SAVED $22.00 for a 50% SAVINGS….much better than the average 10% that survey suggested. Even if you go out to the store just for the coffee that’s on SALE….YOU MADE A GREAT DEAL!
To keep your savings at a 50% level leads to Rule #5 - TAKE ADVANTAGE of BUY 1 GET 1 FREE OFFERS, especially on products your family uses on a regular basis. Again, buy in Bulk.
Rule #6 - BE FLEXIBLE with your shopping list when you see something on SALE:an item might not be on your shopping list this week; but you see that it’s on SALE, and you buy it. Now, there won’t be a need to put it on your shopping list for the next two or three weeks, and you SAVED.
Rule #7: ALWAYS ASK FOR A RAIN CHECK FOR A SALE ITEM that the store has run out of. This way you will be guaranteed not to miss out on the SALE ITEM. Rain checks can be good for one month or one year, depending on the store policy. (Hint: On the rain check ask for maximum amount of the item possible for a multiple purchase in the future.) These Shop-Smart shopping-tips will help you save-money with your everyday-shopping.
Another area to look for to SAVE MONEY is with your kidswear. You can SAVE BIG when you buy Kids clothing at half-off prices whether for your infant, toddler, or teenager. You can save up to half-off on top-quality designer kidswear. Think of how many more dollars YOU CAN SAVE and add to YOUR CHILD’S college savings plan. Each year, how much do you spend on clothing for your kids? Do the math…how much is the 50% off savings worth to you and your CHILD’S FUTURE COLLEGE EDUCATION….year after year. Don’t allow your education dollars educate someone else’s child. As a loving parent your responsibility is to your child first, and foremost.
These are just some of the possible ways to save half-off with your grocery shopping and your children’s clothing purchases that will begin to make college a reality for your child. Use these SHOP-SMART SHOPPING-TIPS to SAVE MONEY. Once you see how much money you save for your child’s education…set a goal….plan-save-and-pay for college with your monthly savings.
The survey indicated saving 10 percent on your grocery shopping would generate savings of $678 per year. My challenge to each of you is to average SAVINGS of 40% on your purchases. If you can do that…. you will realize savings up to $2,712 a year, or $226 per month; and that’s just on your groceries alone. Saving-and-paying for College may not be as difficult as you think once you start using the SHOP-SMART SHOPPING-TIPS for all your purchases. Automatically-save money-for-college each time you FOLLOW THE RULES. They represent Free-Money-for-College you didn’t know you even had.
It is our goal at http://robertwalshkidsclothing.com to provide hope to every family who has the dream of sending their child(ren) to college. Continue to deposit MONEY in your Free-College-Money Reward Program each time you order top-quality designer kidswear for your child(ren) whatever their age…infant…toddler…teen or any age in-between. Remember Rule #1: NEVER PAY FULL PRICE.
- I Can Do It! 7 Tips for Teaching Your Children Self Reliance
I Can Do It! 7 Tips for Teaching Your Children Self Reliance
by: Dr Robyn Silverman
Most parents are trying to stay clear of the label "helicopter parents," because they don't want to be seen as the type of mother or father who hover and "overprotect." The most powerful parents have realized that when their children have the opportunity to make mistakes, they gain an invaluable opportunity to learn from those mistakes.
It's developmentally appropriate for children to become more and more independent, self reliant and responsible as they age. It can be challenging for parents to know when to step back and let their children try something on their own. After all, from the time their children were babies, parents have spent years meeting many to all of their child's needs.
Striking a balance between allowing your children to do tasks for themselves and helping them when they seem to need or want is a talent of very powerful parents. This balance allows their children to thrive because they feel more confident in themselves while still feeling supported and properly mentored.
How can we instill self reliance and responsibility into our children?
(1) Allow your children to make some decisions: Even young children can make sound decisions if you give them a few select choices. Do you want to wear the red shirt or the blue shirt? Would you like a peanut butter sandwich or a cheese sandwich? As children get older, you can allow them to make more important decisions with little to no guidance. They can determine things like which Fall sport they'd like to play, if they need a tutor for math, and which friends they'd like to spend time with each day without needing much, if any, input from parents. While it's tempting to make these kinds of decisions for your older children, they need to stand on their own two feet—after all, their decisions are often correct!
(2) Encourage your children to try tasks on their own: While it's often quicker and more skillfully done when we do it for them, children need to engage in tasks on their own if they're ever going to learn how to do them well. Laundry, shoe-tying, and making the bed are great places to start with young children. Older children can handle more complicated tasks such as cooking, preparing their own lunch, and doing their own homework.
(3) Model responsibility and self reliance: Parents have many responsibilities—let your child see them and hear about them! Say out loud; "This screw seems a little loose, I'll go get the screwdriver and tighten it" or "I have to plan our weekly menu for dinner; let's see...Monday night we'll have..." When children see you making decisions, taking initiative, and displaying self reliant behaviors, they will engage in similar behavior.
(4) Be your child's coach rather than his sage: When your child asks you questions about how to do something or what to do in a certain situation, sometimes asking questions is more important than providing answers. "What do you think you should do? How would you feel if you chose X? What would happen if you did Y instead?" These questions can unlock the answers in your own child's brain so the next time he's in a similar situation he'll be able to call on his own experience and judgment to make a decision.
(5) Be a good support system: Sometimes this means cheering them on from the sidelines and other times it means encouraging them to try again. Of course, when children truly need your help, they should know that they can count on you. If you teach them to ask for help when they really need it (when something seems unsafe or too challenging), they should know that you will be there to assist them. Children who know that they can count on their parents when they really need it feel better about taking risks and the possibility of making mistakes.
(6) Provide them with responsibilities: Chores are great for teaching children how to be self reliant as well as how to work as a team. After teaching them how to do the chore properly, let them give it a try with some assistance, if needed. You can even work on a checklist together which helps to break down the task into easy, age-appropriate chunks. For example, (a) Take the clothes out of the dryer, (b) Separate the clothes by family member, (c) Match up all the socks...and so on. When we provide children with ways to help out the family, we give them opportunities to build responsibility, self confidence, and self reliance.
(7) Encourage healthy risk-taking: Assure your children that making mistakes is OK. The most important thing is that s/he tries! Most things are not done perfectly the first time—even when you're an adult. It doesn't mean "the end of the world" and there is no reason to be embarrassed. Watching our children make mistakes can be challenging. We may want to rush to their aid to shield them from impending failure or disappointment. However, when parents do this, they rob their children of some very powerful tools; self confidence, stick-to-itiveness, and of course, self reliance.
Your children are relying on you to teach them how to approach the world. Sometimes that means they have to watch you to learn how to approach the task. But other times that means, you must watch them from the sidelines and encourage them to figure it out on their own.
by: Dr Robyn Silverman
Most parents are trying to stay clear of the label "helicopter parents," because they don't want to be seen as the type of mother or father who hover and "overprotect." The most powerful parents have realized that when their children have the opportunity to make mistakes, they gain an invaluable opportunity to learn from those mistakes.
It's developmentally appropriate for children to become more and more independent, self reliant and responsible as they age. It can be challenging for parents to know when to step back and let their children try something on their own. After all, from the time their children were babies, parents have spent years meeting many to all of their child's needs.
Striking a balance between allowing your children to do tasks for themselves and helping them when they seem to need or want is a talent of very powerful parents. This balance allows their children to thrive because they feel more confident in themselves while still feeling supported and properly mentored.
How can we instill self reliance and responsibility into our children?
(1) Allow your children to make some decisions: Even young children can make sound decisions if you give them a few select choices. Do you want to wear the red shirt or the blue shirt? Would you like a peanut butter sandwich or a cheese sandwich? As children get older, you can allow them to make more important decisions with little to no guidance. They can determine things like which Fall sport they'd like to play, if they need a tutor for math, and which friends they'd like to spend time with each day without needing much, if any, input from parents. While it's tempting to make these kinds of decisions for your older children, they need to stand on their own two feet—after all, their decisions are often correct!
(2) Encourage your children to try tasks on their own: While it's often quicker and more skillfully done when we do it for them, children need to engage in tasks on their own if they're ever going to learn how to do them well. Laundry, shoe-tying, and making the bed are great places to start with young children. Older children can handle more complicated tasks such as cooking, preparing their own lunch, and doing their own homework.
(3) Model responsibility and self reliance: Parents have many responsibilities—let your child see them and hear about them! Say out loud; "This screw seems a little loose, I'll go get the screwdriver and tighten it" or "I have to plan our weekly menu for dinner; let's see...Monday night we'll have..." When children see you making decisions, taking initiative, and displaying self reliant behaviors, they will engage in similar behavior.
(4) Be your child's coach rather than his sage: When your child asks you questions about how to do something or what to do in a certain situation, sometimes asking questions is more important than providing answers. "What do you think you should do? How would you feel if you chose X? What would happen if you did Y instead?" These questions can unlock the answers in your own child's brain so the next time he's in a similar situation he'll be able to call on his own experience and judgment to make a decision.
(5) Be a good support system: Sometimes this means cheering them on from the sidelines and other times it means encouraging them to try again. Of course, when children truly need your help, they should know that they can count on you. If you teach them to ask for help when they really need it (when something seems unsafe or too challenging), they should know that you will be there to assist them. Children who know that they can count on their parents when they really need it feel better about taking risks and the possibility of making mistakes.
(6) Provide them with responsibilities: Chores are great for teaching children how to be self reliant as well as how to work as a team. After teaching them how to do the chore properly, let them give it a try with some assistance, if needed. You can even work on a checklist together which helps to break down the task into easy, age-appropriate chunks. For example, (a) Take the clothes out of the dryer, (b) Separate the clothes by family member, (c) Match up all the socks...and so on. When we provide children with ways to help out the family, we give them opportunities to build responsibility, self confidence, and self reliance.
(7) Encourage healthy risk-taking: Assure your children that making mistakes is OK. The most important thing is that s/he tries! Most things are not done perfectly the first time—even when you're an adult. It doesn't mean "the end of the world" and there is no reason to be embarrassed. Watching our children make mistakes can be challenging. We may want to rush to their aid to shield them from impending failure or disappointment. However, when parents do this, they rob their children of some very powerful tools; self confidence, stick-to-itiveness, and of course, self reliance.
Your children are relying on you to teach them how to approach the world. Sometimes that means they have to watch you to learn how to approach the task. But other times that means, you must watch them from the sidelines and encourage them to figure it out on their own.
- How Do You Know if Your Child has Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)
How Do You Know if Your Child has Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)
by: Greg Frost
There are more than 2 million children suffering from ADHD in America, and the figures are set to increase exponentially every 4 years. Despite this, most parents are unaware of how to recognize ADHD, or how to treat it. The symptoms of ADHD are also easily mistaken for a child misbehaving, making it even harder for a parent to differentiate between the two.
ADHD is a form of Attention Deficit Disorder, and is the most common neurological disease that children suffer from, with up to 5% of the children in America afflicted. As a parent, learn to recognize the symptoms so that you can seek professional help for your child. The main symptoms of ADHD are aggression, impulsiveness, restlessness, learning disabilities, an inability to focus and hyperactivity. Hence, even for parents who know the signs to look out for, it is often difficult to draw the line between normal misbehavior and ADHD.
How to you differentiate between the various forms of ADD? Add simply means that your child is unable to concentrate, and likely to forget what you have told him less than 10 seconds ago. ADHD on the other hand, means that not only has he forgotten what you have said, he is also likely to be running around instead of staying still whilst you address him. If you suspect that your child may be suffering from ADHD, it is better to err on the side of caution and visit your doctor for a professional opinion. It is treatable, and if identified early you can make a difference in helping your child learn and cope with life.
There are many symptoms of ADHD, such as forgetfulness, restlessness, aggression, agitation, depression, anxiety, impulsive behavior and an inability to focus. However, these are highly common and often confused with the symptoms of anxiety, depression, thyroid, or a stressful environment. Excessive sugar and allergies may also cause the same symptoms, as well as if your child is highly intelligent causing him to be easily bored and hence restless.
Fortunately, more parents are gaining greater awareness of the problem, and schools have also played a major role in the dissemination of information regarding ADHD. Whilst it is a significant problem for a child suffering from ADHD, keep in mind that you are never alone and that there is help available readily. Often times, medication is the first answer that parents look to for solving the problem. However, there are other alternatives as well.
Parents should try to keep a closer watch over the child’s diet, and cut off foods with high sugar content, or possible allergies. Give the child more attention and time, and help him to feel connected to the environment. He knows that he is different, and you should try your best to help him feel that he belongs. Whilst medication can treat the symptoms, it is equally if not more important to ensure that the child’s emotional and mental health is well taken care of.
by: Greg Frost
There are more than 2 million children suffering from ADHD in America, and the figures are set to increase exponentially every 4 years. Despite this, most parents are unaware of how to recognize ADHD, or how to treat it. The symptoms of ADHD are also easily mistaken for a child misbehaving, making it even harder for a parent to differentiate between the two.
ADHD is a form of Attention Deficit Disorder, and is the most common neurological disease that children suffer from, with up to 5% of the children in America afflicted. As a parent, learn to recognize the symptoms so that you can seek professional help for your child. The main symptoms of ADHD are aggression, impulsiveness, restlessness, learning disabilities, an inability to focus and hyperactivity. Hence, even for parents who know the signs to look out for, it is often difficult to draw the line between normal misbehavior and ADHD.
How to you differentiate between the various forms of ADD? Add simply means that your child is unable to concentrate, and likely to forget what you have told him less than 10 seconds ago. ADHD on the other hand, means that not only has he forgotten what you have said, he is also likely to be running around instead of staying still whilst you address him. If you suspect that your child may be suffering from ADHD, it is better to err on the side of caution and visit your doctor for a professional opinion. It is treatable, and if identified early you can make a difference in helping your child learn and cope with life.
There are many symptoms of ADHD, such as forgetfulness, restlessness, aggression, agitation, depression, anxiety, impulsive behavior and an inability to focus. However, these are highly common and often confused with the symptoms of anxiety, depression, thyroid, or a stressful environment. Excessive sugar and allergies may also cause the same symptoms, as well as if your child is highly intelligent causing him to be easily bored and hence restless.
Fortunately, more parents are gaining greater awareness of the problem, and schools have also played a major role in the dissemination of information regarding ADHD. Whilst it is a significant problem for a child suffering from ADHD, keep in mind that you are never alone and that there is help available readily. Often times, medication is the first answer that parents look to for solving the problem. However, there are other alternatives as well.
Parents should try to keep a closer watch over the child’s diet, and cut off foods with high sugar content, or possible allergies. Give the child more attention and time, and help him to feel connected to the environment. He knows that he is different, and you should try your best to help him feel that he belongs. Whilst medication can treat the symptoms, it is equally if not more important to ensure that the child’s emotional and mental health is well taken care of.
- Babywearing - One Mom's Experience With Being Hands Free and Heart Full
Babywearing - One Mom's Experience With Being Hands Free and Heart Full
by: Heather Ledeboer
When I became a mom, something magical happened. An inner strength and desire to protect, love and nurture rose up within me. Desires, dreams and fears awakened in my heart that once lay dormant. I felt fit for the task and excited for the adventure of motherhood that stretched out ahead me. When my relatives went home and my husband returned to work I believe I handled the change exceptionally well. That is until our fridge containing a few leftovers and several bottles of breast milk finally forced us to venture out of the house to the grocery store. Until this point, I really felt that I was pulling off my new mommy role quite well. However, I had no idea that my little 5 pound 10 oz hunk of love could require so much extra effort for something as simple as a run to the store. Between loading and unloading the car seat, diaper bag, stroller, and to-do list I felt as though I may as well have been charting territory in a foreign land. After I returned home from that first adventure, I boldly decided that running errands alone with my baby was just too much work. The thought of pulling my Cadillac stroller and heavy car seat in and out of my car for another excursion was simply more than I could bear. Later that week, a lady at church breezed past my son and I, holding her new baby in a sling. Both she and her baby looked happy, content and close. In that moment, I knew I had to have one. I had just discovered my ticket to freedom.
Love At First Sight
I loved my first baby carrier so much that I started buying and trying other types of carriers to see how they compared. Each one seemed to offer something slightly unique and different that I loved. I was amazed at how many types, styles and variations were available. It was like a secret world opening up for me. I started learning that babywearing offered many benefits to the child including crying less, learning more, and increased IQ! I found out that babies that are “worn” also have been shown to exhibit reduced colic and spit-up with increased cardiac output and improved circulation. Not to mention the benefits for me! I could nurse with the carrier, shop without a bulky stroller and I was hands free and able to get things done around the house!
Taking it to the next level
As my collection of baby carriers grew, so did my knowledge of how to use them and the pros and cons of each style. If my son was just fussy and needing to be close on and off throughout the day or if I was making a quick run into the store I loved my pouch style slings such as the New Native Baby Carrier or The Peanut Shell. The simple tube design was quick to slip on over my arm and head to my shoulder. The way it hung on my body looked much like sash. I loved how easy it was to wear it like this throughout the day. It did not feel bulky or in the way and whenever I wanted to wear my son, I could slip him into the pouch in a matter of seconds--it was so easy to use. For days when I really needed to get work done around the house or for longer shopping trips, I often reached for my wrap style carriers. Wrap carriers, such as a Moby wrap or Moby D, are a specially designed strip of fabric. The long, (often stretchy) fabric is cleverly wrapped around your torso, over your shoulders, around your torso again and then secured at your waist with a knot or a d-ring. I found the wrap carriers to have a slight initial learning curve.
However, the clearly marked instructions quickly eased my mind and after my first few attempts I was a believer. Because their straps go over both shoulders and securely wrapped around me and my baby, he felt very close. I felt very comfortable, secure and ready to move. For long durations of wear, the wrap carriers became my staple. Finally, if I was visiting friends or family that wanted to share in the fun of baby wearing, I brought along my adjustable slings such as a Maya Wrap or Rockin Baby Sling. These adjustable carriers were very similar to the pouch style in the way that they hung from one shoulder to the opposite hip like a sash. However, they had an extra tail of fabric looped though a d-ring positioned by your shoulder. Although I did not enjoy the extra bulk created by this fabric tail when I was using the sling alone, it certainly allowed for an easy, adjustable, customized fit for all body types when I was sharing it with others. These adjustable carriers (as well as the wrap carriers) are also an economical choice for parents to share with each other rather than buying two separate sizes since they are a one size fits all option.
They each have a place in my heart
All of the carriers could be used from birth to 35 pounds and each offered a variety of carrying positions. So when I need a carrier, my question was not necessarily which carrier to use, but rather what need to fill. Each carrier was my favorite in its own special way. I feel that other moms can benefit from my experience when looking for their own ideal baby carrier. After all, just as no two mamas are alike, neither are their preferences for baby carriers. I compiled a sling comparison chart comparing a wide variety of baby carriers side by side under factors such as “reduces back strain”, “easy on, easy off”, and “discreet nursing”. Thankfully, with the myriad of choices available, and the right kind of helpful information, any mom is bound to find the baby carrier that is perfect for times when the arms give out but her heart just won't let go. Equipped with the right carrier, she can join me and venture out of her home to chart new territory in a foreign land with her hands free to record her findings for future generations.
by: Heather Ledeboer
When I became a mom, something magical happened. An inner strength and desire to protect, love and nurture rose up within me. Desires, dreams and fears awakened in my heart that once lay dormant. I felt fit for the task and excited for the adventure of motherhood that stretched out ahead me. When my relatives went home and my husband returned to work I believe I handled the change exceptionally well. That is until our fridge containing a few leftovers and several bottles of breast milk finally forced us to venture out of the house to the grocery store. Until this point, I really felt that I was pulling off my new mommy role quite well. However, I had no idea that my little 5 pound 10 oz hunk of love could require so much extra effort for something as simple as a run to the store. Between loading and unloading the car seat, diaper bag, stroller, and to-do list I felt as though I may as well have been charting territory in a foreign land. After I returned home from that first adventure, I boldly decided that running errands alone with my baby was just too much work. The thought of pulling my Cadillac stroller and heavy car seat in and out of my car for another excursion was simply more than I could bear. Later that week, a lady at church breezed past my son and I, holding her new baby in a sling. Both she and her baby looked happy, content and close. In that moment, I knew I had to have one. I had just discovered my ticket to freedom.
Love At First Sight
I loved my first baby carrier so much that I started buying and trying other types of carriers to see how they compared. Each one seemed to offer something slightly unique and different that I loved. I was amazed at how many types, styles and variations were available. It was like a secret world opening up for me. I started learning that babywearing offered many benefits to the child including crying less, learning more, and increased IQ! I found out that babies that are “worn” also have been shown to exhibit reduced colic and spit-up with increased cardiac output and improved circulation. Not to mention the benefits for me! I could nurse with the carrier, shop without a bulky stroller and I was hands free and able to get things done around the house!
Taking it to the next level
As my collection of baby carriers grew, so did my knowledge of how to use them and the pros and cons of each style. If my son was just fussy and needing to be close on and off throughout the day or if I was making a quick run into the store I loved my pouch style slings such as the New Native Baby Carrier or The Peanut Shell. The simple tube design was quick to slip on over my arm and head to my shoulder. The way it hung on my body looked much like sash. I loved how easy it was to wear it like this throughout the day. It did not feel bulky or in the way and whenever I wanted to wear my son, I could slip him into the pouch in a matter of seconds--it was so easy to use. For days when I really needed to get work done around the house or for longer shopping trips, I often reached for my wrap style carriers. Wrap carriers, such as a Moby wrap or Moby D, are a specially designed strip of fabric. The long, (often stretchy) fabric is cleverly wrapped around your torso, over your shoulders, around your torso again and then secured at your waist with a knot or a d-ring. I found the wrap carriers to have a slight initial learning curve.
However, the clearly marked instructions quickly eased my mind and after my first few attempts I was a believer. Because their straps go over both shoulders and securely wrapped around me and my baby, he felt very close. I felt very comfortable, secure and ready to move. For long durations of wear, the wrap carriers became my staple. Finally, if I was visiting friends or family that wanted to share in the fun of baby wearing, I brought along my adjustable slings such as a Maya Wrap or Rockin Baby Sling. These adjustable carriers were very similar to the pouch style in the way that they hung from one shoulder to the opposite hip like a sash. However, they had an extra tail of fabric looped though a d-ring positioned by your shoulder. Although I did not enjoy the extra bulk created by this fabric tail when I was using the sling alone, it certainly allowed for an easy, adjustable, customized fit for all body types when I was sharing it with others. These adjustable carriers (as well as the wrap carriers) are also an economical choice for parents to share with each other rather than buying two separate sizes since they are a one size fits all option.
They each have a place in my heart
All of the carriers could be used from birth to 35 pounds and each offered a variety of carrying positions. So when I need a carrier, my question was not necessarily which carrier to use, but rather what need to fill. Each carrier was my favorite in its own special way. I feel that other moms can benefit from my experience when looking for their own ideal baby carrier. After all, just as no two mamas are alike, neither are their preferences for baby carriers. I compiled a sling comparison chart comparing a wide variety of baby carriers side by side under factors such as “reduces back strain”, “easy on, easy off”, and “discreet nursing”. Thankfully, with the myriad of choices available, and the right kind of helpful information, any mom is bound to find the baby carrier that is perfect for times when the arms give out but her heart just won't let go. Equipped with the right carrier, she can join me and venture out of her home to chart new territory in a foreign land with her hands free to record her findings for future generations.
- Discipline - Be Clear, Be Firm, Be Consistent
Discipline - Be Clear, Be Firm, Be Consistent
by: Helen Williams
Children learn best by being given clear, firm and consistent direction from parents who are clear, firm and consistent in their approach.
How to Discipline Children by Being Clear:
Firstly find and maintain clarity within yourself and then follow through on simple, clear instructions. Clarify for your self what being clear means.
It is about being plain, obvious, and understandable in a clear, short sentence that explains exactly what you mean.
It isn't about maybe this or maybe that.
Often parents have no idea that they chop and change their minds within minutes. To become clear about your own patterns of behavior, observe yourself and ask for your partner's help in this.
"We are going to tidy up your toys in five minutes", is clear and direct. Follow this with,
"Please help me tidy up your toys now" and it means just that.
Be firm with yourself about this. It doesn't mean soon, or later, but now.
I have seen parents give out this simple instruction, then become distracted themselves by a television program, conversation or magazine. What their children observe is parents saying one thing and doing another and this gives a much distorted message. Multiplied over many times each day, is it any wonder that children cease to follow simple instructions?
How to Discipline Children by Being Firm:
Firstly find and maintain firmness for yourself and then follow through with firm clear directions in a firm, clear tone.
Clarify for your self what being firm means.
To be firm is to be certain, definite, and determined. It is also being loving, kind and calm.
It means saying no and meaning no, or saying yes and meaning yes and sticking to it. It's about now being now. How often does your no become perhaps, later, maybe giving in, next time, soon, or alright then? This is a very common fault in how to discipline children and again it leads to numerous mixed messages for children.
Resolve within yourself and with your partner's help to ascertain how often you are both easily swayed into changing your decisions. Are you allowing your children to manipulate you? Imagine how simple your life will become when you are clear and firm within yourself.
It is every child's right to KNOW they can trust their parent's boundaries. So firstly, become firm with your own boundaries and then apply this to your parenting discipline.
"It is bedtime, (bath time, meal time) in five minutes" is a clear direction. Now follow through on this.
Giving the direction in a calm, clear, firm tone of voice helps your children to understand that you mean what you say. Being firm is about being in control of both yourself and the situation.
How to Discipline Children by Being Consistent:
Firstly find and maintain consistency for yourself and then follow through with a firm, clear, consistent approach.
Clarify for yourself what being consistent means.
To be consistent is to be reliable, dependable and constant.
These words immediately convey comfort don't they?
Let's look at the opposite of being consistent. Contradictory, unpredictable, changeable. That's definitely lacking in comfort and safety.
So how do you want to be seen by your children?
To begin with it can seem quite time consuming to concentrate on clear, firm, consistent guidelines. Be aware that this is very true. It takes concentrated effort and time to change old habits to new ones, but if you maintain consistency, you will be very surprised how quickly new patterns of behavior are formed.
Parenting Discipline In Summary: With parenting discipline we are teaching our children how to have self control, self discipline and to become self reliant, so they are able to make good choices for themselves.
The only way children can learn to do this is by being given the opportunities for this learning.
This means not over protecting them, or doing everything for them, but maximizing their opportunities to learn through personal experience and observation, even when this means making mistakes.
Can you see the opportunities here to change some of your own patterns of behavior into superior ones?
Clear, firm, consistent parenting is quality parenting. You learn to trust your own responses and your children are surrounded by your loving constancy.
This is the recipe for creating a happy, well adjusted family.
by: Helen Williams
Children learn best by being given clear, firm and consistent direction from parents who are clear, firm and consistent in their approach.
How to Discipline Children by Being Clear:
Firstly find and maintain clarity within yourself and then follow through on simple, clear instructions. Clarify for your self what being clear means.
It is about being plain, obvious, and understandable in a clear, short sentence that explains exactly what you mean.
It isn't about maybe this or maybe that.
Often parents have no idea that they chop and change their minds within minutes. To become clear about your own patterns of behavior, observe yourself and ask for your partner's help in this.
"We are going to tidy up your toys in five minutes", is clear and direct. Follow this with,
"Please help me tidy up your toys now" and it means just that.
Be firm with yourself about this. It doesn't mean soon, or later, but now.
I have seen parents give out this simple instruction, then become distracted themselves by a television program, conversation or magazine. What their children observe is parents saying one thing and doing another and this gives a much distorted message. Multiplied over many times each day, is it any wonder that children cease to follow simple instructions?
How to Discipline Children by Being Firm:
Firstly find and maintain firmness for yourself and then follow through with firm clear directions in a firm, clear tone.
Clarify for your self what being firm means.
To be firm is to be certain, definite, and determined. It is also being loving, kind and calm.
It means saying no and meaning no, or saying yes and meaning yes and sticking to it. It's about now being now. How often does your no become perhaps, later, maybe giving in, next time, soon, or alright then? This is a very common fault in how to discipline children and again it leads to numerous mixed messages for children.
Resolve within yourself and with your partner's help to ascertain how often you are both easily swayed into changing your decisions. Are you allowing your children to manipulate you? Imagine how simple your life will become when you are clear and firm within yourself.
It is every child's right to KNOW they can trust their parent's boundaries. So firstly, become firm with your own boundaries and then apply this to your parenting discipline.
"It is bedtime, (bath time, meal time) in five minutes" is a clear direction. Now follow through on this.
Giving the direction in a calm, clear, firm tone of voice helps your children to understand that you mean what you say. Being firm is about being in control of both yourself and the situation.
How to Discipline Children by Being Consistent:
Firstly find and maintain consistency for yourself and then follow through with a firm, clear, consistent approach.
Clarify for yourself what being consistent means.
To be consistent is to be reliable, dependable and constant.
These words immediately convey comfort don't they?
Let's look at the opposite of being consistent. Contradictory, unpredictable, changeable. That's definitely lacking in comfort and safety.
So how do you want to be seen by your children?
To begin with it can seem quite time consuming to concentrate on clear, firm, consistent guidelines. Be aware that this is very true. It takes concentrated effort and time to change old habits to new ones, but if you maintain consistency, you will be very surprised how quickly new patterns of behavior are formed.
Parenting Discipline In Summary: With parenting discipline we are teaching our children how to have self control, self discipline and to become self reliant, so they are able to make good choices for themselves.
The only way children can learn to do this is by being given the opportunities for this learning.
This means not over protecting them, or doing everything for them, but maximizing their opportunities to learn through personal experience and observation, even when this means making mistakes.
Can you see the opportunities here to change some of your own patterns of behavior into superior ones?
Clear, firm, consistent parenting is quality parenting. You learn to trust your own responses and your children are surrounded by your loving constancy.
This is the recipe for creating a happy, well adjusted family.
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